Tranquility -what is that?

You see that picture up there? The one with the tranquil ocean? If you look closer, you will notice that the surf is beating into those rocks over and over and over. Ceaselessly pummeling those poor rocks. Today, that is quite how I feel.

Started the day with a funeral, the middle parts of it were funeral related, the rest of it has been peppered with three screaming and whining little people who are masquerading around as my children. My own dear children would never be so disrespectful and annoying. A colleague told me years ago, "Little children are like animals, they know when you are down and pounce on you." Olga's words from over ten years ago are echoing through my brain constantly. It is comforting actually, her Russian accent punctuates the sentiment and really makes the point drive home. I really miss her!

I tried to do 10,000 steps today, but with every waking moment devoted to either funeral stuff or kid stuff, I only managed to squeeze in a mere 35 minute fast clipped stroll around the neighborhood where my children take Karate. It was a nice walk, I dodged dogs and their owners, I was almost trampled by a stroller -twice, and I managed to somehow collect my thoughts and enjoy the first stroll of the year in short sleeves. See, despite all my belly aching, something wondrous happened here in New England: Spring visited us. This being New England, God knows how long the glorious weather will last. This year's winter has been a gem. I vote we keep these kinds of winters every year!

I hope you are having some tranquil moments and find the time to get some you time in too. Even a little spurt will do the mind and soul a whole lotta good. And if you are like me and are hiding from bath time, maybe you can even get a few sneaky minutes to update your own blog. Peace out...and if you are wondering, the photo was taken in Salt Cay, Turks and Caicos, a sleepy little island that time forgot.

10,000 steps and counting

Yesterday, between my belly aching about life and realizing that life is pretty damn good right now, I decided that I would up my challenge from a mere 30 minutes a day to a hopefully sustainable 10,000 steps a day. This is a concerted decision, I did not stumble upon it, rather I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

I stumbled upon a wonderful website from Australia - . think about what a wonderfully happy time of life we can all find, by making the time for us. Time for our health. Time for our families. We can do this as a virtual team, or we can do it alone, but most of all we just need to get moving.

This is easier than any of us think. I just realized that I actually did walk 10,000 steps yesterday. Thanks to a handy dandy walking map I have and a few calculations. When I combined my walking with my workout, it all came together. So grab a friend, set up a walking schedule, stick to it and lets see if we can do this for a month. March 10-April 10.

Back on the Treadmill of Life

The past months have been crazy to say the least. It is amazing what craziness one can find without even looking for it. Three kids in grammar school, writing classes, teaching classes, and trying to keep the head above water all add up for one overwhelmed mama. Who knew? Also, there is an impending 40th birthday looming on the horizon.

Since just after Christmas when my son gleefully told me that I was now 39 and a HALF, a slow panic punctuated with fear has taken hold of me. As I have been reassessing my life and all the ways it is not going the way I intended, somewhere along the path, a few sprigs of hope and remembrance have popped up and reminded me that I actually relish in taking the "path less traveled." My mother's pronouncement years ago that I go to the beat of my own drummer had always been a source of pride. Recently, I had forgotten my own credo to life, my way, and who I was.

How could this happen? I am well educated. In my possession are very expensive pieces of paper that prove I have a BA in International Relations, Hispanic Studies and underachiever that I am, a minor in International Economics. I have completed part of the Gran Diplom from Le Cordon Bleu, I have a Masters in Spanish Literature with focus on 20th Century Spanish and Latin American feminist literature. In my spare time I have been working on a Writing Certificate in Fiction Writing. I ran a half marathon AFTER having three kids and having never run a day in my life before I signed up. I am tenacious, gregarious, and fun. I am a full time caregiver to three wonderful little ones, the CEO and CFO of our family, can speak three languages fluently, have a wonderful set of friends from all the different stages of life and all of the places this wonderful life has taken me, I have seen more travels than most, my husband is wonderful, and my kids are my joys. Yet, none of this seemed to fill the void of nothingness that was my very sense of self.

Part of this is self-inflicted. I have a bar that is set so high, only a giant could even reach it. I have forgotten that the nitty gritty of living is what I have been doing for now. We once had a very exciting life, and right now maybe I just need to deal with the fact that I am not going to live the life of Reilly. I can remember what that once was. I can mourn the life the was so fun. The travels, the spontaneity, the joie de vivre. If I get caught up in that though, I will miss the quirks that make life fun. I will miss the rigidity of my son's life which has taught me that sometimes having a plan is OK. I will never be able to be as his Asperger little brain wants me to be, but I can start to have a plan. I can write things down, I can anticipate the spontaneous parts of life. Most of all I can savour what my children bring to the table. The little bits of wisdom that they unwittingly are teaching me. And I can learn to surrender to my destiny. I think living this life joyfully will encourage the freedom to enjoy life, versus the kicking and screaming I have been doing.

Most of all, I have to welcome myself back to the treadmill of life. I have set a new goal for the rest of this month: A minimum of 30 minutes a day on the treadmill with my spiffy new sneaks. The reward at the end of this endeavour? A lovely manicure...

So, won't you join me in treading back to life? Comment if you want to join in... we can virtually lean on each other and find the happiness of life, and a joy for life.

Part III, Day 8: Not beating self up

Well, it has been 4 days since I posted. I have no real reason, other than I have been overwhelmed with my son's end of the year. This child's routine has just been blown up. He is being kicked out of his school due to that nasty thing called Pre-K Graduation and he is being sent in September with most of his buddies to, gasp, the big school (which is technically the same school). On top of that, he was finished with school one week and one day before his sisters. Plus, Papa is on his first business trip in months.

This is now not a happy post, I am seeing only clouds to be honest. I am trying to be bubbly and happy. Instead, I am feeling retrospective and a bit blah.

Yesterday, was truly the icing on the cake. Upon arrival at a "play doctor" visit, Gregory decided he did not wish to enter the building. I admit it, I bribed him with McDonald's. Then it was a struggle and fight from the car all the way up three flights. Half way up I was wondering why I was doing this to myself. And to him. Though being thrashed, my own self was first. Horrid parent that I am. We finally made it all the way up, and he was like a limp octopus on the floor out side the door and coincidentally at the top of the staircase.

After much coaxing, we got him inside. Then he proceeded to hit me, bite me, pull my shirt, etc. It was horrible. And not foreign to me. As I looked at the doctor, I saw sympathy in her eyes. We left the appointment with him not wanting to leave. So I had the same issues in reverse. I am wondering if he is being let go though because she would not make the next appointment...though it was impossible with his behaviour at that point.

Grammie invited him to sleep over last night. I dropped him off with glee. I hope that he had a wonderful night. I know that I did. Exhaustion kind of does that.

For some reason in the midst of this altercation, this song was in my head...

Part 3, Day 4: Getting ready

Today my little man graduated from Pre-School. Part of me is relieved. Part of me is happy. Part of me is sad. Soon gone will be the innocence of being a small boy, to be replaced, perhaps, by the cynicism of the day. Part of me wants to stop time and despite the constant meltdown, hold him in my arms and really enjoy this special bond we have. Yet, I know that let him grow I must for he is really eons ahead academically, he is just behind in the social relm. Funny, for parts of the year, I have been wishing for Kindergarten. Wishing to have some real time on my hands. Now, I want to turn back time and wish for more understanding and patience.

See, Gregory was not diagnosised until November, so I was having a wretched time trying to figure out what was going on. No one believed me that there was something a little bit off. He seems fine at first glance. It's the behind the scenes meltdowns and fits. It was the emotional baggage. It was the private beatings he was giving me. I felt so alone. No one, not even my husband, seemed to fully understand the stress and the emotions. It was a dark time. A long, and dark two years.

However, since diagnosis, we, as a family, have drawn together and are figuring out ways to help our little man become a big man. Our days are far from perfect, but there is sun shining on days when in the past there was nothing but darkness. Now I really want to absorb each moment. Gone are the feelings of just trying to survive.

So, as I look at the long summer ahead of us, I am looking at the fun we will have. The new adventures. The new friends. The new us.

Part III, Day 2: Down 10 pounds!

So, after less than one month with the nutrition doctor, I am down 10 pounds. It actually feels like more than it is because all of my clothes are hanging on me. Literally. It was pretty embarrassing the other day when my son pulled on my pants and they fell down! Thank God I caught them before mooning the entire mall!

I kind of feel like I should treat myself to something. But I have no idea what that would be! I will just have to sit and think about it.

Today was kind of exciting. I was a chaperon for my twins' homeroom on their field trip. We went to a battle ship in Quincy, MA. The USS Salem was huge! They loved seeing the brig, the hospital, and the ice cream area. It was a 6 year old's dream come true.

For some reason the movie Top Gun has been in my head ever since... so...

Part III, Day 1: A Week of Tragedy

I've been MIA for the past week, because with so many crazy things going on around me I could not bring myself to write about happiness while friends and family are crying in pain. Now that that horrible week is over, I shall continue this journey.

First, I would like to remember Blanca Gomez, a good friend's mother who was killed in Mexico in a horrible tragedy. Please keep her and the entire family in prayers, especially her husband, who was with her at the time. It's funny at times like these, the important minutea in your life suddenly seems minuscule and the important appears from the background to let you re-examine.

I have had so much to talk about this past week, but decided to keep quiet for the week out of respect for the family above and others we know going through very difficult times. It seems wrong to be sunny, when they are all so down. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, time does march on and new adventures and experiences pepper our lives.

My baby had Kindergarten orientation on Friday. How is it possible that he will be in Kindergarten next year? It seemed like these baby/toddler/preschool days would never end. Seven wonderful years are under our belts, yet in some part of my mind, I was convinced that the children would stay little just a smidge longer. Before we know it they will not want to spend time with us. I am trying not to think about it.

Saturday was a walk down memory lane. My eighth grade class had a 25th reunion! It was strange to see people I have not seen since I was 13. Furthermore, part of me returned to that awkward 13 year old when remeeting everyone. I left with a little sadness and as people are friending one another on FB a little more sadness. It is really nothing in the big scheme. I am having a wonderful life and do not need the approval of these people, but to see them treating me the same way is just stunning. There was one woman who turned her back to me three times! I was stunned to be honest. I remembered her at shy, not as bitchy. I guess life treats everyone not so nicely now and then.

Anyway, enough dwelling about that. The next day, Sunday, my husband and I met friends from our time in LA for lunch. It was great to just hang with people who never judged you with tween angst. They had their little one in tow and our three loved playing with her.

So though last week started sourly, it ended with excitement and joy. Hope the winds from the tornadoes last week took the strange air with it and that we can settle into a nice, fun, uneventful summer.

Part II, Day 35: Unofficial Beginning of Summer!

At long last Spring has found its way to New England! Yesterday and today have been gorgeous and we have been taking in outdoors. This morning hubby and I took our first hike of the season. It was so nice to be back on trails (though swatting away a million mosquitoes was not so fun).

After we picked up the children from my parents, we headed over to a friends' house to kick off the unofficial summer. (For Americans, Memorial Day Weekend is the start of the summer season...though the calendar disagrees.)

We had a relaxing time watching the kids. Wait, let me say that again, we had a relaxing time watching the kids. They had a ball swimming, catching slimy frogs, and hanging with their friends. This was the first party that we could relax and enjoy ourselves. Gregory was a dream child and was not the loudest by any stretch of the imagination.

The best part of the whole thing was really talking to our friends that we usually see in quick hello/goodbye fashion in the pick up and drop off lines.

Hope your summer is starting out well.

Part II, Day 34: A Gift!

Today my parents gave me and hubby a very huge gift! They took our three little ones for an over night. We were so giddy with excitement that the morning passed so super slowly. Thankfully, 3:30 pm rolled around eventually.

We did some exciting things tonight:
1. Mass without interruptions. I can't tell you the last time we listened to the readings and homily at Mass. That was great!
2. Ran into some great school families at Mass and reconnected with some amazing moms I haven't seen in a few months.
3. Went shopping and had time to meander.
4. Drove through my university campus and had dinner at a great Irish bar we found.
5. Getting ready for bed in a quiet house devoid of children and their schenanigans.

I am sure I will be excited to see them tomorrow. For today, I am excited to have down time, reconnect with my husband, and revel in the silence.

Part II, Day 33: Finding Me - Again!

This journey has been a wonderful journey back to me. It is actually a surprising find along the way. For the first time in years, I woke up feeling like me. I was energized and ready to start the day. It was so fantastic. The catching up on lost sleep is probably the best part of this project, because in that way I have been finding parts of me that have been buried deep in sleep deprivation, children tugging on me, and a million other things.

Years ago, if anyone would tell me that I would lose so much of myself in such a short time, I would not have believed you. And though the reasons are three fantastic reasons. I have missed myself. I have become a stressed, screechy person. I am sure that I am not fun to be around. I went from being the Happy Hour Queen to the Queen of the Cranky. A title I want to relinquish. Does anyone want it?

The things that used to define me and my person have evaporated. I have lost my name in the process. I have become someone I do not recognize in the mirror most days. My eyes are tired, my body is not the same shape. My days are surrounded with little people and their daily grind. I have been tugged in every direction possible. Life is chaotic and upside down on a good day. Often I feel as though I do not contribute to society in a meaningful way. In short, I am a stay at home mom who is very over qualified with degrees hanging on the wall that are not being used.

Finding some worth in the midst of trying to find happiness is such a bonus. And now that I think about it, how was I thinking I would find happiness without rediscovering and reloving myself? I think women of our generation were sold a giant lie. We were told we could be anything we wanted to be career wise. We were told that we could earn what a man does or more! We were told that we could have a family and balance work without any problems. We were taught that being a stay at home mother was so 50s and so not worthwhile. I want a refund!

We can have all those things listed above with major sacrifices or we can just be as we need to be at that particular time in our lives and not feel the guilt for not being a Super woman. I hope our daughters grow up and appreciate that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want without the guilt of having to be the best of the best at everything. I hope my daughters will find careers that are fulfilling and families that are loving. I hope that they are supported when/if they decided to put career on hold to raise a family. I hope that they are the best persons that they can be and feel their worth in gold.

This song has been bouncing around my head all day. So I share it with you:

Part II, Day 32: Sunshine and chirping birds

Spring returned yesterday and was here in full force today. Spring, glorious Spring. The month of rain has taken a break and we are basking in the sun in shorts! I was really convinced that this summer would be the winter that never ended. There is even still - yes, still - a pile of snow behind the movie theater. I think another couple of days of this glorious golden ball in the sky will make that big boy evaporate. And I hope that the powers that be in the parking lot of the shopping mall realize that it is silly to pile that much snow in one pile next year!

My little guy was in a glorious mood too. Maybe he has some vitamin D deficiency like his mother? If every day were like today, parenting my three children would be a walk in the park. Or a stroll through a meadow. Or a meander through the woods. My Harriet even asked me today why I wasn't cross. Now that just made me stop and really think about how crazy I have been for the past years.

On doctor's orders (and why did it take doctor's orders?) I am resting a bit each day while this horrible tiredness that has been plaguing me goes away. You know, last year I had mononucleosis and did not know it. I am wondering if I somehow have that again? Probably not, it is probably just that now that I am taking stock of me for a change, that I am noticing these things.

I am tired today. Last night was not an easy night. One of the children had an accident in the middle of the night. That wee accident necessitated washing half of the bathroom with bleach, a midnight shower with scrub down, a clothing change and a load of laundry. After all that, I was wide awake, surfing the web from my iPod and wondering if I could sneak in a bit of a later morning when I remembered that one of my kids was saying the Pledge of Allegiance at morning prayers.

So, today has been glorious and gloriously tiring. All in all a great day!

Part II, Day 30: Panic!

It is raining and thundering. And what is my five year old doing? Running around, flailing his arms screaming, "It is thundering! I am panicking!!!" This is causing his sisters to run around crying about losing electricity... which because I am still on here means we still have power. I just hope that this storm passes quickly. It could be a long night with three little ones crying about panicking and panicking each other more and more.

The topic of conversation has now turned to tornadoes. They are now panicked that our house will be demolished in a tornado. We have not told them about the tornadoes this week, so I can only imagine that they are praying for the tornado victims from earlier this week. While I am glad for the social conscious part of their school curriculum. Panicking 5-6 year olds is not welcomed.

Now we have just had our first hit of lightening. My husband is telling them how to tell how far away a storm is and just announced that the storm is directly over us. Thanks... now we are all panicking. This child hates lightening. The only time I liked it was when we were in the Petronas Tower in Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia) during a lightening storm and we watched lightening hit the building near where I was standing by the window and travel around the steel structure. That was cool - freaky - but cool. Lightening over my head, shaking our old farm house. Not so cool.

Part II, Day 29: Karate, revisited

Today I took the kids back to the Karate dojo to try out a full class of Little Samurais. They loved it. Even Gregory.

Weeks ago when we started talking about karate for Gregory we were concerned with how his sensory and Asperger issues would deal with the karate as a sport. He is already a soccer drop out and we want to shield him from trauma by other parents getting angry at him, etc.

I was invited to stay in the dojo today for half of the class to see how he assimilated. I was pleased to see that he was trying his darnedest to participate in an appropriate manner. He could not help himself a few times to talk out loud and he was a little lost being such a visual learner. But he passed! All three were invited to join the dojo!

I am very excited for them to do Karate and hope that they will receive the tools they need to be proud of themselves and learn to respect more fully! It is funny how sometimes life takes you down a path that you never expected to return.

When I was in university, we had to participate in a year of sports or sports classes for a requirement for graduation. I signed up for Karate because I always wanted to take the sport, but had never had the gumption to just tell my parents. I was too shy about it because I thought that it was not "feminine" enough. I loved Karate and would have graduated a black belt, but I decided to go to Spain for a year, and upon returning I never went back to the dojo. It was Senior year, there were too many graduation requirements I needed to do to ensure graduation with just three years on campus. Maybe after they are assimilated I will return to the dojo and my first athletic love. :)

Part II, Day 28: Ready for a Mamacation

I am truly excited for tonight. My mom friends and I are getting ready for what I have dubbed our monthly Mamacation night. We usually end up at a local Mexican restaurant drinking margaritas and snacking while chatting the night away. Tonight, though it seems as though we will be just a few...that is ok. I have had quite a weekend and any time away from the house seems like a bit of heavenly time. That must sound horrible...

All of our kids have been beyond wound up for the last month, as I have complained quite a bit about on here. I have started a new low, low calorie diet that is ok, but is leaving me a little hungry here and there. My darling husband has been baking delectable treats all weekend that I can't eat. (Thanks for the support this first weekend...) The twins threw tantrums when I told them that we were all going to Mass as a family. And now I have a bit of resentment built up toward everyone after they all either ignored me or half heartedly gave me peace today during Mass.

In a fit of anger, I told them that they can just count Christmas, Easter, and their birthdays off from the gifts list. Santa and the Easter Bunny will no longer visit us. I expected tears of rage. Instead, the children laughed at me. Really? When I was a kid, I would have been spanked for that and grounded for weeks. Spanking is not allowed and grounding them in the house makes my life harder... I can't take away video games because they don't even have any! That leaves play date removal. None on the horizon. So I decided to talk to them. They said that I misunderstood. They were sorry that they did not want to go to Mass, and would do a better job.

After lunch of a delectable frittata, I convinced the family to go on a walk with me. In a very short time we covered 2 miles. The kids did not whine too much. The whole time though, I felt like my husband was just along physically. I felt like he was not counting it as exercise and just counting down the minutes until he could leave for the gym for his real exercise.

I am really disappointed in a way with the family today. I feel as though I am making a huge change in my life with no real support. It is so hard to eat this high protein, low carb diet that is also low cal when they are all eating sausages, fresh baked products, crap cereal (I have been forbidden from cereal until they figure out why I am having so much trouble losing the baby weight from 5 years ago). Sure everyone is giving me the we are right here by your side, but the actions are speaking louder than words. I don't expect them to stop eating, I just expected a little more support the first week.

Sorry this is such a downer today. Maybe a little uplifting music will help. On the bright side, I feel better. My reflux has been gone for 3 days and my clothes are a little looser. It is just my heart that feels heavier today.

Part II, Day 27: Another Saturday night...

Our first Saturday morning where we did not have to get up super early and drive down to Boston since September. It was a nice feeling. Not to say that we were lazy. Gregory still had a social skills class this morning. Luckily, my husband promised to bring him to the appointment. That left some quality time with my girls.

We decided to go for a walk since I need to walk a minimum of 20 minutes a day for exercise. Now, for me, 20 minutes is really nothing. So we decided to walk to my aunt's house and drop in for a visit. I am so proud of my girls. They walked 2 1/2 miles without a complaint! We had a nice time and kept a decent clip for their little legs. Needless to say, we did more than 20 minutes. I felt so jazzed after that...then the allergies started to kick up and now I feel miserable.

The most exciting part of the day was... the kids tried out a great Karate place. I have been leery about trying Karate with Gregory's Aspergers. My hubby and I are worried that he will not know or understand what is ok in the dojo is not ok in the house or the school yard. I found this place through another acquaintance who's child has the same diagnosis highly recommended this dojo to us. The kids had a wonderful time and we were so proud of them all as they earned their first belt really they just get it, but the Sensai made them "earn" it.

My husband and I were supposed to go out tonight. We've cancelled those plans to try and get my sinus issue under control. So, it seems like it is another Saturday night at the homestead...

Part II, Day 26: Allergies + Dance Class = Dizzy!

Today, thanks to horrible allergies, I woke up feeling as though a big truck had crushed my lungs by repeatedly rolling over me. I was in absolutely no mood to get myself out of bed, nevermind, three little ones off to school and myself to my adult jazz class. (Even the thought of dancing on chairs did not pique my interest... truly a sad state of mind I was in.)

Luckily, my husband is working from home today and had a cup of coffee waiting me as I descended the stairs. Thank God he is a morning person because he was even jovial when I begged him to rescue my Mucinex (nasal decongestant) from the back of the Mamamobile. Once the medicine was working and I was somewhat functioning, I settled into a chair and waited to wake up.

I was a bit anxious for some reason about feeling full today. I think it was because the doctor warned me that I would be starving. I wondered how one little cup of Greek yogurt with a tablespoon of chocolate peanut butter and some sliced strawberries would hold me on my exercising. When I put the concoction into my bowl though, I was so surprised. It was actually twice the amount I usually eat for breakfast - and so darn yummy!

Feeling better, I got the kids ready and we left in the rain for yet another rainy Spring day. After drop off and going to the bank for some cash, I decided to go to our local cafe for a water. I knew that I would puke if I tried to have coffee then work out for an hour. Luckily one of my mommy friends was there and we had a nice chat over her bubble tea and my water. Then we headed out for our dance class.

I am so glad that I went. We had a ball. The only problem was that the Mucinex made me dizzy with every leap and every turn. From my 1/2 marathon training days I should have remembered... I will file that in my brain box.

Part II, Day 25: Nutritionist!

I was quite nervous this morning. Today was the first meeting with the nutritionist doctor. I was nervous about what she was going to tell me. I was waiting to be yelled at. Scoffed at. To be told that I was about to drop dead of some dreadful obesity related illness. Then I started filling out the paper work, and felt like I was in the wrong place. I am not a huge snacker. I am not completely out of control eater.

Instead, as I talked to the nutritionist and later the doctor, there was understanding in their eyes. Perhaps it was B.S., but I really think that they are on to something. Now I just have to figure out how to deal with eating so few calories until this is all figured out. That is kind of scary for me... it actually was not scary until I realized that I could only eat soup at the lunch place today! Though the soup was tasty, I was just trying to figure out how I am going to live on three 300 calorie meals and 3 small snacks. While trying to figure out the protein versus carbs - apples are considered carbs by this place...

Anyway, hopefully in a few months this first day jitter session will be a laugh and I will wonder what I was worried about!


Here is a remake of a classic Queen song that just seems appropriate somehow:

Part II, Day 24: Another day in...

I truly want to say another day in hell. Today can't be seen as a day in heaven. At the very best, maybe a day in purgatory. Someone once told me that children are like animals. They sense your mood and attack! Today this has been so true. My three are on some sort of brain wave that is causing them to act like little animals.

My son has been one tantrum away from throwing me over the edge of sanity. Then the girls are just fighting, fighting, fighting. I don't see any upside, I feel nauseous and just want to go to bed. Maybe that is where I will go. Early. I think I will skip dinner.

I am so annoyed. This song is now in my head as a great angst song:

Part II, Day 23: FTO = fun day!

Today my husband took some FTO (basically, a holiday day). We were quite busy with appointments for our youngest all day, but we had time to relax and reconnect. Seems kind of sad that he has to take a day off for us to spend some time together. That said, I will take a random day of FTO over weeks of him traveling. :)

I wonder if we can just run away, plant a coconut tree and live on Rarotonga in the Cook Islands - maybe Pa's Nature Walks could use an assistant? That is really my ideal. I want to escape this thing called life and just be happy. It would not take much to be honest. I am sick of this rat race called modern life. I want to turn in my phone. I want to just be content with my family and hanging out with my friends. Is that even possible?

I remember being in university and talking about building a Utopian village. Obviously, the things I found important back then are no longer important to me - well maybe some things are. But the addition of my husband and my children really skewed what I once thought of as a perfect day. Though I still would put up a long nap and lazing around in that ideal. Isn't funny how the importance of things change as we age? If I could go back and tell my crunchy, granola university self where I would be 20 years later, I would never have believed you. I guess that is the genius of life. No one can ever predict what is going to truly happen.

So, though we were busy, saw the silver lining all day long. Now back to reality...though I am dreading it.

Part II, Day 22: Rainy Days and Mondays

Today is so gray and cold. What happened to our promised Spring? We are already past the Ides of May and not a true warm up has begun. There is even still snow piled behind the movie theater in town. This is going to be remembered as the Winter of 2011 that never ended. On the good side, our electric bill is quite low because we are not using the air conditioner.

As for the title of this post: I am not in a down mood, as is suggested by the lyrics of the classic Carpenters' hit "Rainy Days and Mondays." Rather the title of the song really sums up the day. It is rainy and it is a Monday. That said it has been a fun day filled with some fun movies.

I have had an enjoyable day with my first born (by a minute). She is home sick today. I don't really think she is 100% ill, I really just felt like she needed a day off from school. That said though, she has been in bed since we returned from the school drop off this morning four hours ago, so perhaps she really is feeling a bit blah after all. She has been so happy to just rest and has not had one idea of the million things we could/should be doing/building/baking/etc. Hopefully, her cough will subside and her energy will return.

When I started this project way back in March, I was hoping to get my creative juices flowing and continue with my writing projects. I had a break through this weekend! I have a fantastic idea that I need to hammer out, but I think that I have finally found a project that is 100% me and that will be just the thing to keep me out of trouble. Right now I have an idea and a vague sense of where I would like this story to go. When the thought flew through my brain though it was as though it were a gift from above. This is the first encouraging sign I have had in 18 months that I would ever return to the land of paper and pen (or keyboard as it really is).

I hope that your Monday is a whole lot less rainy and a whole lot more uplifting than it is here. And if you see the Spring, please send some rays of hope and sunshine my way!