At long last Spring has found its way to New England! Yesterday and today have been gorgeous and we have been taking in outdoors. This morning hubby and I took our first hike of the season. It was so nice to be back on trails (though swatting away a million mosquitoes was not so fun).
After we picked up the children from my parents, we headed over to a friends' house to kick off the unofficial summer. (For Americans, Memorial Day Weekend is the start of the summer season...though the calendar disagrees.)
We had a relaxing time watching the kids. Wait, let me say that again, we had a relaxing time watching the kids. They had a ball swimming, catching slimy frogs, and hanging with their friends. This was the first party that we could relax and enjoy ourselves. Gregory was a dream child and was not the loudest by any stretch of the imagination.
The best part of the whole thing was really talking to our friends that we usually see in quick hello/goodbye fashion in the pick up and drop off lines.
Hope your summer is starting out well.
30.5.11
Part II, Day 34: A Gift!
Today my parents gave me and hubby a very huge gift! They took our three little ones for an over night. We were so giddy with excitement that the morning passed so super slowly. Thankfully, 3:30 pm rolled around eventually.
We did some exciting things tonight:
1. Mass without interruptions. I can't tell you the last time we listened to the readings and homily at Mass. That was great!
2. Ran into some great school families at Mass and reconnected with some amazing moms I haven't seen in a few months.
3. Went shopping and had time to meander.
4. Drove through my university campus and had dinner at a great Irish bar we found.
5. Getting ready for bed in a quiet house devoid of children and their schenanigans.
I am sure I will be excited to see them tomorrow. For today, I am excited to have down time, reconnect with my husband, and revel in the silence.
We did some exciting things tonight:
1. Mass without interruptions. I can't tell you the last time we listened to the readings and homily at Mass. That was great!
2. Ran into some great school families at Mass and reconnected with some amazing moms I haven't seen in a few months.
3. Went shopping and had time to meander.
4. Drove through my university campus and had dinner at a great Irish bar we found.
5. Getting ready for bed in a quiet house devoid of children and their schenanigans.
I am sure I will be excited to see them tomorrow. For today, I am excited to have down time, reconnect with my husband, and revel in the silence.
28.5.11
Part II, Day 33: Finding Me - Again!
This journey has been a wonderful journey back to me. It is actually a surprising find along the way. For the first time in years, I woke up feeling like me. I was energized and ready to start the day. It was so fantastic. The catching up on lost sleep is probably the best part of this project, because in that way I have been finding parts of me that have been buried deep in sleep deprivation, children tugging on me, and a million other things.
Years ago, if anyone would tell me that I would lose so much of myself in such a short time, I would not have believed you. And though the reasons are three fantastic reasons. I have missed myself. I have become a stressed, screechy person. I am sure that I am not fun to be around. I went from being the Happy Hour Queen to the Queen of the Cranky. A title I want to relinquish. Does anyone want it?
The things that used to define me and my person have evaporated. I have lost my name in the process. I have become someone I do not recognize in the mirror most days. My eyes are tired, my body is not the same shape. My days are surrounded with little people and their daily grind. I have been tugged in every direction possible. Life is chaotic and upside down on a good day. Often I feel as though I do not contribute to society in a meaningful way. In short, I am a stay at home mom who is very over qualified with degrees hanging on the wall that are not being used.
Finding some worth in the midst of trying to find happiness is such a bonus. And now that I think about it, how was I thinking I would find happiness without rediscovering and reloving myself? I think women of our generation were sold a giant lie. We were told we could be anything we wanted to be career wise. We were told that we could earn what a man does or more! We were told that we could have a family and balance work without any problems. We were taught that being a stay at home mother was so 50s and so not worthwhile. I want a refund!
We can have all those things listed above with major sacrifices or we can just be as we need to be at that particular time in our lives and not feel the guilt for not being a Super woman. I hope our daughters grow up and appreciate that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want without the guilt of having to be the best of the best at everything. I hope my daughters will find careers that are fulfilling and families that are loving. I hope that they are supported when/if they decided to put career on hold to raise a family. I hope that they are the best persons that they can be and feel their worth in gold.
This song has been bouncing around my head all day. So I share it with you:
Years ago, if anyone would tell me that I would lose so much of myself in such a short time, I would not have believed you. And though the reasons are three fantastic reasons. I have missed myself. I have become a stressed, screechy person. I am sure that I am not fun to be around. I went from being the Happy Hour Queen to the Queen of the Cranky. A title I want to relinquish. Does anyone want it?
The things that used to define me and my person have evaporated. I have lost my name in the process. I have become someone I do not recognize in the mirror most days. My eyes are tired, my body is not the same shape. My days are surrounded with little people and their daily grind. I have been tugged in every direction possible. Life is chaotic and upside down on a good day. Often I feel as though I do not contribute to society in a meaningful way. In short, I am a stay at home mom who is very over qualified with degrees hanging on the wall that are not being used.
Finding some worth in the midst of trying to find happiness is such a bonus. And now that I think about it, how was I thinking I would find happiness without rediscovering and reloving myself? I think women of our generation were sold a giant lie. We were told we could be anything we wanted to be career wise. We were told that we could earn what a man does or more! We were told that we could have a family and balance work without any problems. We were taught that being a stay at home mother was so 50s and so not worthwhile. I want a refund!
We can have all those things listed above with major sacrifices or we can just be as we need to be at that particular time in our lives and not feel the guilt for not being a Super woman. I hope our daughters grow up and appreciate that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want without the guilt of having to be the best of the best at everything. I hope my daughters will find careers that are fulfilling and families that are loving. I hope that they are supported when/if they decided to put career on hold to raise a family. I hope that they are the best persons that they can be and feel their worth in gold.
This song has been bouncing around my head all day. So I share it with you:
26.5.11
Part II, Day 32: Sunshine and chirping birds
Spring returned yesterday and was here in full force today. Spring, glorious Spring. The month of rain has taken a break and we are basking in the sun in shorts! I was really convinced that this summer would be the winter that never ended. There is even still - yes, still - a pile of snow behind the movie theater. I think another couple of days of this glorious golden ball in the sky will make that big boy evaporate. And I hope that the powers that be in the parking lot of the shopping mall realize that it is silly to pile that much snow in one pile next year!
My little guy was in a glorious mood too. Maybe he has some vitamin D deficiency like his mother? If every day were like today, parenting my three children would be a walk in the park. Or a stroll through a meadow. Or a meander through the woods. My Harriet even asked me today why I wasn't cross. Now that just made me stop and really think about how crazy I have been for the past years.
On doctor's orders (and why did it take doctor's orders?) I am resting a bit each day while this horrible tiredness that has been plaguing me goes away. You know, last year I had mononucleosis and did not know it. I am wondering if I somehow have that again? Probably not, it is probably just that now that I am taking stock of me for a change, that I am noticing these things.
I am tired today. Last night was not an easy night. One of the children had an accident in the middle of the night. That wee accident necessitated washing half of the bathroom with bleach, a midnight shower with scrub down, a clothing change and a load of laundry. After all that, I was wide awake, surfing the web from my iPod and wondering if I could sneak in a bit of a later morning when I remembered that one of my kids was saying the Pledge of Allegiance at morning prayers.
So, today has been glorious and gloriously tiring. All in all a great day!
My little guy was in a glorious mood too. Maybe he has some vitamin D deficiency like his mother? If every day were like today, parenting my three children would be a walk in the park. Or a stroll through a meadow. Or a meander through the woods. My Harriet even asked me today why I wasn't cross. Now that just made me stop and really think about how crazy I have been for the past years.
On doctor's orders (and why did it take doctor's orders?) I am resting a bit each day while this horrible tiredness that has been plaguing me goes away. You know, last year I had mononucleosis and did not know it. I am wondering if I somehow have that again? Probably not, it is probably just that now that I am taking stock of me for a change, that I am noticing these things.
I am tired today. Last night was not an easy night. One of the children had an accident in the middle of the night. That wee accident necessitated washing half of the bathroom with bleach, a midnight shower with scrub down, a clothing change and a load of laundry. After all that, I was wide awake, surfing the web from my iPod and wondering if I could sneak in a bit of a later morning when I remembered that one of my kids was saying the Pledge of Allegiance at morning prayers.
So, today has been glorious and gloriously tiring. All in all a great day!
Part II, Day 31: Looking in the Mirror
Today I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was surprised at what I saw. Gone were the very deep dark circles under my eyes. Yes, there are still tiredness circles, but they are no longer the color of eggplant, rather they are about 200% lighter! (Perhaps you can imagine just how dark they were!)
I have been forcing myself to do the minimum of 20 minutes a day of exercising. No that is ridiculously low, but I have never done something 7 days a week, so it feels really good. I have only had one really good workout this past week though, so my goal for next week is to make it to the gym or at least pop in an exercise video into the computer at least 3 times. (Our living room does not have a TV, so I use the computer to workout in here.)
Finally, after 2 days shy of a week, I feel a difference in my body. It is really strange. How is it possible to feel a difference after just five days? I don't understand that. I have realized that I was not eating out of control before, but for some reason the order I am eating things this week and the proportion of protein versus carbs is really talking to my body. How could one lousy tweak have such an impact. I will reveal how much I have lost this week Thursday - my official weigh in day.
If this is all it takes to lose the baby weight and regain myself, any amount of work is totally worth it. I just hope that we can get my body back to burning a reasonable amount of fuel to energize itself. I worry that my anorexia in high school has long term effects that will never fix itself. I can't believe looking back at pictures of my 15 and 16 year old self that I ever thought I was fat! I just want to go back and give my young self a hug and tell her that everything will be ok, and that starvation is not worth anything. I often worried that I would be broken from that experience, but in hindsight, it has made me appreciate the thought of fueling the body and really embracing food in a wholesome way.
Some times I wonder how many angels I have out there caring for me. There must be an army. For some of the things I have been through and some things that I just barely avoided in life. There is no other explanation.
This song is such a comfort song for me. Hope it gives a hugs to you too.
I have been forcing myself to do the minimum of 20 minutes a day of exercising. No that is ridiculously low, but I have never done something 7 days a week, so it feels really good. I have only had one really good workout this past week though, so my goal for next week is to make it to the gym or at least pop in an exercise video into the computer at least 3 times. (Our living room does not have a TV, so I use the computer to workout in here.)
Finally, after 2 days shy of a week, I feel a difference in my body. It is really strange. How is it possible to feel a difference after just five days? I don't understand that. I have realized that I was not eating out of control before, but for some reason the order I am eating things this week and the proportion of protein versus carbs is really talking to my body. How could one lousy tweak have such an impact. I will reveal how much I have lost this week Thursday - my official weigh in day.
If this is all it takes to lose the baby weight and regain myself, any amount of work is totally worth it. I just hope that we can get my body back to burning a reasonable amount of fuel to energize itself. I worry that my anorexia in high school has long term effects that will never fix itself. I can't believe looking back at pictures of my 15 and 16 year old self that I ever thought I was fat! I just want to go back and give my young self a hug and tell her that everything will be ok, and that starvation is not worth anything. I often worried that I would be broken from that experience, but in hindsight, it has made me appreciate the thought of fueling the body and really embracing food in a wholesome way.
Some times I wonder how many angels I have out there caring for me. There must be an army. For some of the things I have been through and some things that I just barely avoided in life. There is no other explanation.
This song is such a comfort song for me. Hope it gives a hugs to you too.
24.5.11
Part II, Day 30: Panic!
It is raining and thundering. And what is my five year old doing? Running around, flailing his arms screaming, "It is thundering! I am panicking!!!" This is causing his sisters to run around crying about losing electricity... which because I am still on here means we still have power. I just hope that this storm passes quickly. It could be a long night with three little ones crying about panicking and panicking each other more and more.
The topic of conversation has now turned to tornadoes. They are now panicked that our house will be demolished in a tornado. We have not told them about the tornadoes this week, so I can only imagine that they are praying for the tornado victims from earlier this week. While I am glad for the social conscious part of their school curriculum. Panicking 5-6 year olds is not welcomed.
Now we have just had our first hit of lightening. My husband is telling them how to tell how far away a storm is and just announced that the storm is directly over us. Thanks... now we are all panicking. This child hates lightening. The only time I liked it was when we were in the Petronas Tower in Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia) during a lightening storm and we watched lightening hit the building near where I was standing by the window and travel around the steel structure. That was cool - freaky - but cool. Lightening over my head, shaking our old farm house. Not so cool.
The topic of conversation has now turned to tornadoes. They are now panicked that our house will be demolished in a tornado. We have not told them about the tornadoes this week, so I can only imagine that they are praying for the tornado victims from earlier this week. While I am glad for the social conscious part of their school curriculum. Panicking 5-6 year olds is not welcomed.
Now we have just had our first hit of lightening. My husband is telling them how to tell how far away a storm is and just announced that the storm is directly over us. Thanks... now we are all panicking. This child hates lightening. The only time I liked it was when we were in the Petronas Tower in Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia) during a lightening storm and we watched lightening hit the building near where I was standing by the window and travel around the steel structure. That was cool - freaky - but cool. Lightening over my head, shaking our old farm house. Not so cool.
Part II, Day 29: Karate, revisited
Today I took the kids back to the Karate dojo to try out a full class of Little Samurais. They loved it. Even Gregory.
Weeks ago when we started talking about karate for Gregory we were concerned with how his sensory and Asperger issues would deal with the karate as a sport. He is already a soccer drop out and we want to shield him from trauma by other parents getting angry at him, etc.
I was invited to stay in the dojo today for half of the class to see how he assimilated. I was pleased to see that he was trying his darnedest to participate in an appropriate manner. He could not help himself a few times to talk out loud and he was a little lost being such a visual learner. But he passed! All three were invited to join the dojo!
I am very excited for them to do Karate and hope that they will receive the tools they need to be proud of themselves and learn to respect more fully! It is funny how sometimes life takes you down a path that you never expected to return.
When I was in university, we had to participate in a year of sports or sports classes for a requirement for graduation. I signed up for Karate because I always wanted to take the sport, but had never had the gumption to just tell my parents. I was too shy about it because I thought that it was not "feminine" enough. I loved Karate and would have graduated a black belt, but I decided to go to Spain for a year, and upon returning I never went back to the dojo. It was Senior year, there were too many graduation requirements I needed to do to ensure graduation with just three years on campus. Maybe after they are assimilated I will return to the dojo and my first athletic love. :)
Weeks ago when we started talking about karate for Gregory we were concerned with how his sensory and Asperger issues would deal with the karate as a sport. He is already a soccer drop out and we want to shield him from trauma by other parents getting angry at him, etc.
I was invited to stay in the dojo today for half of the class to see how he assimilated. I was pleased to see that he was trying his darnedest to participate in an appropriate manner. He could not help himself a few times to talk out loud and he was a little lost being such a visual learner. But he passed! All three were invited to join the dojo!
I am very excited for them to do Karate and hope that they will receive the tools they need to be proud of themselves and learn to respect more fully! It is funny how sometimes life takes you down a path that you never expected to return.
When I was in university, we had to participate in a year of sports or sports classes for a requirement for graduation. I signed up for Karate because I always wanted to take the sport, but had never had the gumption to just tell my parents. I was too shy about it because I thought that it was not "feminine" enough. I loved Karate and would have graduated a black belt, but I decided to go to Spain for a year, and upon returning I never went back to the dojo. It was Senior year, there were too many graduation requirements I needed to do to ensure graduation with just three years on campus. Maybe after they are assimilated I will return to the dojo and my first athletic love. :)
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