Today I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was surprised at what I saw. Gone were the very deep dark circles under my eyes. Yes, there are still tiredness circles, but they are no longer the color of eggplant, rather they are about 200% lighter! (Perhaps you can imagine just how dark they were!)
I have been forcing myself to do the minimum of 20 minutes a day of exercising. No that is ridiculously low, but I have never done something 7 days a week, so it feels really good. I have only had one really good workout this past week though, so my goal for next week is to make it to the gym or at least pop in an exercise video into the computer at least 3 times. (Our living room does not have a TV, so I use the computer to workout in here.)
Finally, after 2 days shy of a week, I feel a difference in my body. It is really strange. How is it possible to feel a difference after just five days? I don't understand that. I have realized that I was not eating out of control before, but for some reason the order I am eating things this week and the proportion of protein versus carbs is really talking to my body. How could one lousy tweak have such an impact. I will reveal how much I have lost this week Thursday - my official weigh in day.
If this is all it takes to lose the baby weight and regain myself, any amount of work is totally worth it. I just hope that we can get my body back to burning a reasonable amount of fuel to energize itself. I worry that my anorexia in high school has long term effects that will never fix itself. I can't believe looking back at pictures of my 15 and 16 year old self that I ever thought I was fat! I just want to go back and give my young self a hug and tell her that everything will be ok, and that starvation is not worth anything. I often worried that I would be broken from that experience, but in hindsight, it has made me appreciate the thought of fueling the body and really embracing food in a wholesome way.
Some times I wonder how many angels I have out there caring for me. There must be an army. For some of the things I have been through and some things that I just barely avoided in life. There is no other explanation.
This song is such a comfort song for me. Hope it gives a hugs to you too.
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