Mom's lending library?

Over the course of my children's lives I have tried to instill in them a love and respect for books. While they are voracious readers, I have yet to see them actually put any books back on their shelves. They are on the staircase between the spindles, they are on the floor, they are interspersed in the art center, they are on the sofa, they are even flung around the car with abandon.

A friend of mine is the librarian at a local jail. She was telling me how she has to dole out paper one piece at a time and they are only allowed three pieces. I am thinking of taking all the books and locking them up in a closed stack with a "catalogue" of sorts where the children can request up to three books at one time, however, if they are not returned, they will be subjected to reading "Harriet, You Drive Me Wild!" for months on end. Perhaps then my lovely cherubs will actually not only love reading books, but also respect their books.

Mommy's Tantrum

Germany seems like a wisp of a dream from last week. Already, the vestiges of vacation have let their grasp weaken and not even one week into real life, I have snapped. at. my. three. darling. children. I need a drink. or a shoulder to cry upon.

Today, I am feeling like having a meltdown. I have watched for years as my little boy unable to express himself has slipped into such temper tantrums that only a parent of a child with Asperger's or some similar thing could possibly understand. Tonight, I am beginning to see what this frustration bubbling over feels like. It started yesterday actually.

The girls had a play date and left their paper scraps, scissors, markers, crayons and mats all over the living room. Seeing that they will be 8 this summer, I decided that they should clean it up by themselves. After asking three times for them to clean up yesterday, I made the mistake of letting them go to bed with the task undone. Then this morning before school, I again asked, but in the hubbub of trying to get out the door, etc. I forgot to check if it was completed.

Today I decided to stay home to do some cleaning and purposely left the living room floor for the children to deal with. After dinner, I again asked them to clean this mess up. Our son decided to clean up some toys from the dining room table, so I told him he did not need to do the clean up if he was doing other clean up. The girls decided when they heard this that they could scan through iTunes for songs to play, play with a doll house that was already put away while claiming they were cleaning, staple another craft, and punch hearts into a paper. All the while, I was losing my steam.

So, I admit it, I did what my parents would have done more than 30 years ago: I lost my stuffing and started to scream. I screamed and I screamed. I felt beads of blood begin to boil in my veins. My head was close to exploding. All over 20 little scraps of paper, 3 pairs of scissors and two tubs of crayons and markers. Really what did I accomplish? After shedding some tears, the girls finally cleaned up the mess. A two minute project took over 60 minutes to complete and here I am steam abating, wondering just how they will remember tonight's incident.

On the upside, I felt the uncontrollable temper tantrum that Gregory experiences at least once a week. I felt the helplessness of not being able to control it. The silver lining is that I understand him a little more tonight. This photo was taken last week in Duisburg, Germany. It is a calming point for me right now. So I leave you with that and invite you to listen to Mr. Tambourine Man, sip some Malbec and relax with me. Cheers!

Another 10,000 step day...

Spring is truly here this week and I have been really trying to enjoy the weather outside. I just returned from a lovely 5 mile walk through the next town over. I meandered through lanes, I discovered nooks. Most of all I chatted with my college buddy and enjoyed nature. Even without my allergy medicine, I was able to enjoy being outside. A wonderful, new happening.

I have to run, but have a wonderful day/night. I hope that you find a moment to enjoy the here and now. Go outside, breathe some air, have fun!

Tranquility -what is that?

You see that picture up there? The one with the tranquil ocean? If you look closer, you will notice that the surf is beating into those rocks over and over and over. Ceaselessly pummeling those poor rocks. Today, that is quite how I feel.

Started the day with a funeral, the middle parts of it were funeral related, the rest of it has been peppered with three screaming and whining little people who are masquerading around as my children. My own dear children would never be so disrespectful and annoying. A colleague told me years ago, "Little children are like animals, they know when you are down and pounce on you." Olga's words from over ten years ago are echoing through my brain constantly. It is comforting actually, her Russian accent punctuates the sentiment and really makes the point drive home. I really miss her!

I tried to do 10,000 steps today, but with every waking moment devoted to either funeral stuff or kid stuff, I only managed to squeeze in a mere 35 minute fast clipped stroll around the neighborhood where my children take Karate. It was a nice walk, I dodged dogs and their owners, I was almost trampled by a stroller -twice, and I managed to somehow collect my thoughts and enjoy the first stroll of the year in short sleeves. See, despite all my belly aching, something wondrous happened here in New England: Spring visited us. This being New England, God knows how long the glorious weather will last. This year's winter has been a gem. I vote we keep these kinds of winters every year!

I hope you are having some tranquil moments and find the time to get some you time in too. Even a little spurt will do the mind and soul a whole lotta good. And if you are like me and are hiding from bath time, maybe you can even get a few sneaky minutes to update your own blog. Peace out...and if you are wondering, the photo was taken in Salt Cay, Turks and Caicos, a sleepy little island that time forgot.

10,000 steps and counting

Yesterday, between my belly aching about life and realizing that life is pretty damn good right now, I decided that I would up my challenge from a mere 30 minutes a day to a hopefully sustainable 10,000 steps a day. This is a concerted decision, I did not stumble upon it, rather I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

I stumbled upon a wonderful website from Australia - . think about what a wonderfully happy time of life we can all find, by making the time for us. Time for our health. Time for our families. We can do this as a virtual team, or we can do it alone, but most of all we just need to get moving.

This is easier than any of us think. I just realized that I actually did walk 10,000 steps yesterday. Thanks to a handy dandy walking map I have and a few calculations. When I combined my walking with my workout, it all came together. So grab a friend, set up a walking schedule, stick to it and lets see if we can do this for a month. March 10-April 10.

Back on the Treadmill of Life

The past months have been crazy to say the least. It is amazing what craziness one can find without even looking for it. Three kids in grammar school, writing classes, teaching classes, and trying to keep the head above water all add up for one overwhelmed mama. Who knew? Also, there is an impending 40th birthday looming on the horizon.

Since just after Christmas when my son gleefully told me that I was now 39 and a HALF, a slow panic punctuated with fear has taken hold of me. As I have been reassessing my life and all the ways it is not going the way I intended, somewhere along the path, a few sprigs of hope and remembrance have popped up and reminded me that I actually relish in taking the "path less traveled." My mother's pronouncement years ago that I go to the beat of my own drummer had always been a source of pride. Recently, I had forgotten my own credo to life, my way, and who I was.

How could this happen? I am well educated. In my possession are very expensive pieces of paper that prove I have a BA in International Relations, Hispanic Studies and underachiever that I am, a minor in International Economics. I have completed part of the Gran Diplom from Le Cordon Bleu, I have a Masters in Spanish Literature with focus on 20th Century Spanish and Latin American feminist literature. In my spare time I have been working on a Writing Certificate in Fiction Writing. I ran a half marathon AFTER having three kids and having never run a day in my life before I signed up. I am tenacious, gregarious, and fun. I am a full time caregiver to three wonderful little ones, the CEO and CFO of our family, can speak three languages fluently, have a wonderful set of friends from all the different stages of life and all of the places this wonderful life has taken me, I have seen more travels than most, my husband is wonderful, and my kids are my joys. Yet, none of this seemed to fill the void of nothingness that was my very sense of self.

Part of this is self-inflicted. I have a bar that is set so high, only a giant could even reach it. I have forgotten that the nitty gritty of living is what I have been doing for now. We once had a very exciting life, and right now maybe I just need to deal with the fact that I am not going to live the life of Reilly. I can remember what that once was. I can mourn the life the was so fun. The travels, the spontaneity, the joie de vivre. If I get caught up in that though, I will miss the quirks that make life fun. I will miss the rigidity of my son's life which has taught me that sometimes having a plan is OK. I will never be able to be as his Asperger little brain wants me to be, but I can start to have a plan. I can write things down, I can anticipate the spontaneous parts of life. Most of all I can savour what my children bring to the table. The little bits of wisdom that they unwittingly are teaching me. And I can learn to surrender to my destiny. I think living this life joyfully will encourage the freedom to enjoy life, versus the kicking and screaming I have been doing.

Most of all, I have to welcome myself back to the treadmill of life. I have set a new goal for the rest of this month: A minimum of 30 minutes a day on the treadmill with my spiffy new sneaks. The reward at the end of this endeavour? A lovely manicure...

So, won't you join me in treading back to life? Comment if you want to join in... we can virtually lean on each other and find the happiness of life, and a joy for life.

Life is a Highway

Life is truly a highway. Today I feel as though I am broken down on the side of the road watching everything pass by me so fast. It is as though I am waving and no one is seeing me. The kids are rowdy. The car is acting up. And life, is just a beast acting on its own. And as I write this my youngest is using my shoulder as a punching bag while practicing karate moves. Sigh. Sometimes, I just want to get off at the next rest stop. And well, rest.