Though spring has sprung, the temperatures in this neck of the woods have been not cooperating. It would be great to tiptoe amongst the tulips, breathing in the fragrant air. Unfortunately, that is not to be for this week it seems. Today, whilst at the market, I spied some beautiful bunches of daffodils. Normally, I would only buy tulips at this time of year, but the fragile blossoms of this sunny flower were just the pick-me-up that I needed today. So, into my basket this bunch of flowers went and onto our kitchen counter.
It is funny how such a small thing as a bunch of flowers can bring a smile to one's lips and a spark to the eye. These little yellow blossoms are reminding me of the renewal I have been looking for these past few weeks. Twenty days ago when I began to think about writing again and, more importantly, relaunching my blog, I was looking for a renewal. I had no idea where the journey would take me.
All that was known back then (it seems so long ago for some reason):
1. A renewal was needed
2. Stress management was non-existent
3. Our family was hectic
4. My creative self was smothered and thought lost
These few weeks have shown me that life is not so serious. I may not necessarily be back to my LA laid back ways, but I am heading in that direction. I've learned that I have no control over life. I can perhaps influence seemingly mundane things, but in the big picture so many balls have already been set in motion that I need to brave this journey as an active participant, but one that can't micromanage every turn and ebb.
This is important because I have started to enjoy my life again. There are still moments of complete insanity that can only come from having twins plus one so closely together. I am still getting my arms around this sibling thing. Being an only child, I imagined that having siblings was the best thing in the entire world: built in buddies, a shoulder to cry on, someone to always have your back, best friends. Instead, what I am finding to be true is that: there is a fierce love, but many, many fights are a normal occurrence. There will be hair pulling, pushing, screaming, love and hugs. One moment they share toys and snacks, the next they are squirreling them away. Through it all, friends have assured me this is normal. Yesterday this sibling fighting was brought to new heights when one identical twin said to the other identical twin in a fit of anger, "You are ugly!" I was so stunned. First of all that was a silly thing to say because her twin looks exactly like her. Then when I tried to explain to her the logical fallacy of her comment, she just looked at me like I was dumb.
Bringing me to the next thing I have learned about my life. My kids often think I am dumb. I have to understand, they do not mean it. They are little. Parents are sometimes dumb. I just hope when they are grown up they won't think so any longer.
I have also learned that I am not at fault for my son's Aspergers - a common occurrence to which many parents succumb. He is a wonderfully caring boy with a large heart. He is so smart and such a little charmer. It has been stressful learning how to deal with his outbursts, both verbal and physical. I realized something since I have been trying to be calmer: He is too! This is a win-win situation. Which is wonderful, because I am not afraid that he will hurt me any more. I am stronger to deal with ignorant people's comments about my little angel. Most importantly, we as a family are a stronger, more united unit.
This journey started with a simple task: record a bit of happiness that I tried to harness each day. One way I have been continually doing this is by cleaning up our house bit by bit. Our house is clean. The problem has been the clutter. One may ask how can it be clean and cluttered? Trust me, it is deep cleaned every week, then three little cyclones leave debris in their wakes daily. My husband and I have spent countless hours purging and rearranging. We are still not finished, but I am starting to see a shape to the rooms again. And we have gained a room in the process. The once overflowing playroom is now a Zen masterpiece. The kids actually want to hang out there again and I can sit with them. Quite a feat!
So, though I still have another twenty days to go on this project, I am starting to feel the renewal and even, a revival of my spirit. So far, I think this is a fabulous project and I can't wait to see where the rest of this journey takes me both physically and emotionally.
For the past few minutes, I have been letting my mind wander to my favorite piece by Antonio Vivaldi. Hope you enjoy it too!
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