Spa me away

Today my glass is not filled. Not half filled. Just empty. Life today sucks. Life yesterday sucked. Life tomorrow will surely suck. What? This is supposed to be an uplifting blog. One that has seen many transformations, but has never been one to wallow and self-pity. Yet this mom is doing just that. I just checked out the cost for a chic spa. Yep, that is not happening. I need a break from being a mom. A housewife. A non-entity. Languishing somewhere are my degrees, long forgotten, since I decided, yes, decided that I wanted to be a house frau because I could not fathom the thought of leaving my infant twins in someone else's care 10 years ago. 10 years of watching life go by. 10 years of just being so-and-so's mom. 10 years of just being a ghost of my former self. 10 years for what? To be a taxi driver to my son's various treatments (he has Asperger's and high anxiety). To ferry kids almost 1,000 miles a week in a crappy mini-van that I have always hated. To sacrifice everything for three children who have become so self centered that they can't see beyond themselves. This mom just wants to be wanted, cherished, and respected. So how do I find me again? Because this life sucks...

My dirty little secret.

Sometimes I feel as though my dirty little secret is bigger than Mount Morency Falls. It is bigger than life itself. Last night I let a couple of friends in on my "dirty little secret." I finally fessed up to a few more friends that I have changed my diet to a vegan diet. This group of friends proved to be quite supportive. And I joked at the end that it was my dirty little secret. One friend corrected me and said that it is my clean little secret. But then that got me to thinking... I really do have a dirty little secret... my kids are driving me to drink. There I said it. I am so far pushed over the edge, that I don't see any light in the tunnel. Not one little peep. Sad isn't it... between my son's constant meltdowns, my daughters' pouty replies and the elephant in the room (son has figured out that he is different, but we are not sure at 6 he is ready for the title of it...)...so what's a girl to do? I wish I knew.

Day... um... what day is it any way?

This lovely photo was taken a year ago...See I don't even know which year it is! In all seriousness, I so wanted this blog to turn into a year ofs. A check in a day to see how I am doing on the vegan front. Not that I don't want to check in daily, it is just that I had the idea two weeks into the project and then I was woefully behind and tried to check in a whole bunch of days in one sitting... the result. Blogger burn-out. Throw in three little kids, a novel in progress, finding a new text book for a class I am teaching, and did I mention three kids off of their camp schedule? You get the picture.

So here I am on day I have no idea what number and I am feeling so much better - minus a Burger King snafu earlier this week I have managed to stay vegan all of last week and all of this week. I was told my a loving relative that the veg burgers at Burger King are vegan. I was so excited that I did not even check for myself. I can tell you 100% for sure there was some dairy in there. And later I realized that there was even some egg... so much for Burger King embracing a plant based diet! - However, that said the sweet potato fries were delish. Even my son liked them. And he is the pickiest eater this side of the Mississippi.

Speaking of which, I stunned two carnivores in our local Indian place the other night. I did not even realize that they could hear me. I was talking to my husband about my father and his asthma, rheumatoid arthritis and other ailments and telling my husband that my dad would be living so much happier on a plant based diet. My husband said that the two aforementioned women nearly fell out of their seats. Luckily, I could not see them, because I think I may have just lectured them on the little friends they were eating. Which leads me to this picture... see cute to feed, not to feed on. Peace out.

Day 13: Energized!

I woke up so energized today! If I knew how great I would feel so quickly, I think I would have done this years ago. Funny, I was vegetarian until living in Southern Spain squashed my abilities to eat vegetarian while living in the dorms. I was so sick for months. I should have just returned to my veg roots once I was back on US soil, but then decided that I never wanted to be that sick again. Seems silly to me now. Though there have been many places where I have traveled over the years where it would have been impossible to eat vegetarian. I guess this one will have to be a shoulda, woulda, coulda, glad I finally did.

Day 12: Olympic Fever

Tonight the 2012 Olympics kicked off. We decided to celebrate in grand style with our little ones. We have made an Olympic board to track the countries that we have each chosen: Papa (Great Britain), Mama (China), Daughter (Japan), Daughter (Germany) and Son (USA). We also had a party of sorts:

Vegan Spinach dip with tortilla chips
Spaghetti with meatballs and meetballs for me
and vegan vanilla cupcakes.

It was quite a feast and we have a ton left over. Hope my, I mean our, teams do well...

Day 11: Side of fries.

Today, I decided to try some french fries. They are vegan, right? Well, as yummy as I thought they would be, they left me feeling icky. Now trying to be scientific about this, I will have to try them out somewhere else. Who knows it could just be the oil at the restaurant that I was at. I felt a bit smug that I was eating vegan and eating french fries.

Day 10: Chickens are friends, not nuggets.

Hubby called home today from Seattle. He asked me how things were going with my quest so I answered, "Chickens are friends, not nuggets." I thought I was cute. The sentence managed to gross him out. He is a great guy. He, my German born and bred, pork loving, beef munching husband is on board with eating vegan when he is home. I am hoping that long term, he will change to a plant based diet. I so want him to try it. To see how much better he can feel. Though he is not the one with lots of complaints, that is my department. So, for today, I am thankful that he is trying a mostly veg existence with some fish thrown in there. He needs to read about those fish farms. It will stop him...

Day 9: Can I have a cheeseburger with that?

I was asking my three darlings if they would like to try a veggie burger. They said no. But then one of the twins stopped and turned around and asked if she could have a cheeseburger with that. Um... NO? What? A cheeseburger with a veggie burger. This kid is just not getting it is she? One step at a time. I am curious if they will join me on the veg side of life at the end of this experiment. I say experiment because I am trying to do a year of vegan living and if everything goes as I think it will... then it will be a permanent life change. If not, then I have made some very healthy choices. Time will tell.

Day 8: Grande Soy Latte!

It is so nice to be able to go to Starbucks. It is the little things that are making this transition so easy. I wanted a coffee... I could actually have a coffee with caffeine and some latte to boot. Thank you Starbucks for having a soy option on the menu. Many other locations could take a note from you. Now if only there is something we can do with unruly children. :)

Day 7: Celebration...and goodbyes.

Today was a day of celebration and sadness as we bid cousins farewell (for now) as they embark on the next part of their life journey. I had not told them that I am trying to change to a vegan lifestyle. Mainly because if I fail, I would rather do it here in the anonymity of the Internet. Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, my mother decided to have a fajita bar for lunch, which was superb! I brought my own vegan sour cream and chemical free tortilla (why are so many tortillas filled with chemicals?) - no one seemingly noticed. In addition, the jicama mango salad I brought was a hit. So a few steps forward... hopefully this is it.

Day 6: Back on the vegan wagon

Still feeling blah! this morning. I wish that I had never had that sausage last night. The worst part? I did not even enjoy it. I opened the fridge today and our vegetables look like they have multiplied over night. The funny thing is that I have not purchased anything since last Sunday. How many veggies did we buy??  I am still missing a few things, such as gooey cheese, but the thought of another attack has put me off of dairy. I also started reading "Veganist." In college I was a member of PETA, so I do know of the atrocities at the slaughter houses for our meat, but I had let it all sit in the back of my head and tried to happily live my life with that bit of information filed. Thanks to "Veganist" my resolve to become a vegan for life has been more than 100 fold bumped up. Day by day, step by step, I am giving up all that our society tells us is our source of food. Why isn't this information more available? Damn industries...

Day 5: Epic fail... I'm just a vegan wanna be.

I was so good all day, then the little devil in me just had to say try the one little sausage... it is yummy porky pork with a little bit of cheese and tomato. What the stomach did was revolt! With in 15 minutes of eating the tiny piece of sausage with cheese and tomato, my stomach seized up and I had a lovely allergy attack. I have been home all day and around our guest for quite some time... I am now convinced that I must become a vegan for my stomach and sinus issues. Bye, bye cheese of my dreams...and all things dairy like this lovely dessert...

Day 4: Vegan for life or for now?

Today I am trying to decide if I want to stay vegan for life or just for now. It is a tough decision, but already after such a short amount of time I can see the upside to turning vegan (there should be a theme song with that...) I digress. My stomach does not hurt me for the first time in forever. Wait, back up, I notice that my stomach is not hurting me. That means that I have been living with a hurting stomach for quite some time. Also, after almost two days without dairy, my sinuses are cleared up and my stomach ache is gone. Tomorrow we are having company from Germany and am expected to make a MEAT meal involving copious amounts of pork. I have decided to make all the sides vegan to leave me the option to eat the meat or be a good little vegan in training.

Day 3: The confession

Ok, I confess, I jumped off of that vegan cleanse train faster than you can say vegan cleanse train. It was the worst two days of my life that I inflicted on myself. But as the saying goes, there was a silver lining. For the first time in four years, I can breathe. Not just take breaths, but really breath, through my nose. I have been stuffy for my entire life, the past four years have been getting worse and worse. This no dairy stuff for my sinuses is actually working and I thought my doctor was a quack when he suggested it. Smell that? Well I do and it is lovely and airy.

Back to my confession, are you wondering what I had instead of leafy vegetable juice last night? Well, there was a cheese pizza involved and a salad. I was doubled over in pain within ten minutes of eating the oozy goodness...or should I say oozy evil slice of pie. Could I have some dairy allergy or intolerance? Hmmm...

So, today, I have been following a full vegan diet and have a stomach ache, but other than that feel wonderful.

Day 2: What @#$@%Q was I thinking?

Day two sucks. It is now midafternoon and all I want is bread. I don't even like bread that much. Also, I have a throbbing headache and need to pee every 10 minutes. The peeing thing is worse than yesterday? I am about to give up. I will suck it up and just switch to vegan minus this horrid cleanse. I think this cleanse was created by sadistic people. This is just not sustainable. I feel like that green goo up there!

Day 1: Monday, July 16, 2012 - The cleanse begins

Ok, breakfast was a major downer. I thought I was going to asphyxiate on the cinnamon in my lovely baked apples. I don't care what cinnamon does, I can't stand the itching in my throat. I am not hungry...the worst part is the slight headache from the lack of caffeine and the constant peeing. Do vegans really pee this much? God help me! - and yawn. I am so tired... I need coffee. Did I mention that the cleanse cuts out all coffee... I am not going to make it through this. Also, I have to pee every 15 minutes which is a major problem with a little thing called life thrown in there. I hope tomorrow is better... I am off to bed at 8.

Sunday, July 15, 2012: What the @#@$#% are we getting ourselves into?

Tomorrow we are about to embark on a crazy new regime. In a last ditch effort to try to get my metabolism jumped, I am cutting out dairy and trying a juicing 15 day cleanse. The woman at Whole Foods today looked at me like I was a nut... So tomorrow begins a new year and hopefully a new me. For even though this is just a 15 day cleanse, I plan to switch to vegan for the foreseeable future. I am not expecting many changes, so maybe this time something will work. Oh, and to back track, I was vegetarian for several years in my youth so I am thinking this is doable. Please wish me luck! and bye-bye all foods I know.

Words no woman wants to hear...

Tonight my son uttered the words that I never knew I never wanted to hear, but when I did, I knew that they were actually the words no one would ever want to hear: "Mama, you look like Hagrid. Well, not exactly like Hagrid, you know you don't have the beard." Gee, thanks Son. I have given up my life for you, I turned my world upside down for you, every extra cent is sent your way son. I even give up haircuts for you my son. The boy who I love. I don't care if Hagrid is your favorite character, I DO NOT LOOK LIKE HIM!

Even Mommas need a time out.

Today, I feel like sitting in the corner, throwing a tantrum and having a good cry. Sometimes, even mommas need a time out. It has been a stressful winding up to the end of the year month. Why do schools have to squash three months of activities into the last two to three weeks? Don't then know that this causes this momma in particular to go around the bend and wonder if there is any light in the future, ever. Thankfully, school ends in a week and a half. By then though, they may have tried to squeeze in a  few more months of activities.

Serendipity

It is weird how life works sometimes. Yesterday I saw a family that I was sure I knew. Then it hit me, they were in line in front of us for almost an hour as we waited for the Easter Bunny back in March. I did not know these people from Adam, but for some reason, they crossed my path again yesterday as we watched a local Memorial Day parade that my daughters were marching in. What a small world. I wonder why they were put into my pathway...