Fill My Glass

Life is a Highway

2011-08-22T16:16:00.002-04:00

Life is truly a highway. Today I feel as though I am broken down on the side of the road watching everything pass by me so fast. It is as though I am waving and no one is seeing me. The kids are rowdy. The car is acting up. And life, is just a beast acting on its own. And as I write this my youngest is using my shoulder as a punching bag while practicing karate moves. Sigh. Sometimes, I just want to get off at the next rest stop. And well, rest.

Summer Vacation = Blog Vacation

2011-07-22T09:24:00.001-04:00

Hi there. It has been a while, but since I am stuck in Honda getting the oil changed and whatever else it is that they do for a Schedule B service check, I have access to either this computer or ESPN on the TV. Since the World's Cup is over, I have no interest in ESPN on this scorching hot morning, so I thought I would finally update my blog.

So much has changed since I was here last:
1. My little guy is in a theraputic camp for kids with Asperger's and ADHD and loves, loves, loves it. Though the meltdowns are fewer and further between, the exhaustion this week has brought on a few.

2. Minding my own business, an adjunct position at a local college found me and I will be working for real for the first time in 7 years starting in September. And what a cushy schedule I found! Monday, Wednesday, and Friday one class from 10-11 and one class from 1-2 with 2-3 office hours in between. I have plenty of time to lesson plan between the two classes and do any correcting in that same period of time. I am very excited.

3. We are spending this summer home and what a difference in my stress levels from last year.

4. Operation Health has been a slow success. I have lost about 30 pounds since January, with a bulk of it since May 19th. My clothes are swimming on me, which is a great feeling, but I need to finally go shopping because everything is soooo big! :)

So, that is all the exciting news. I wish that my little guy could go to camp longer this summer. They are really helping him and if you are in a similiar situation, I suggest you suss out a therapeutic camp if you can. This camp is super expensive, but when I tell you how happy he is and how much he has grown in one week, I can't say enough!

I will check in more frequently as the summer goes on. For now, I am signing off and hoping you enjoy the heat and remember that it will be snowing before we know it.

Part III, Day 8: Not beating self up

2011-06-15T07:08:00.003-04:00

Well, it has been 4 days since I posted. I have no real reason, other than I have been overwhelmed with my son's end of the year. This child's routine has just been blown up. He is being kicked out of his school due to that nasty thing called Pre-K Graduation and he is being sent in September with most of his buddies to, gasp, the big school (which is technically the same school). On top of that, he was finished with school one week and one day before his sisters. Plus, Papa is on his first business trip in months.

This is now not a happy post, I am seeing only clouds to be honest. I am trying to be bubbly and happy. Instead, I am feeling retrospective and a bit blah.

Yesterday, was truly the icing on the cake. Upon arrival at a "play doctor" visit, Gregory decided he did not wish to enter the building. I admit it, I bribed him with McDonald's. Then it was a struggle and fight from the car all the way up three flights. Half way up I was wondering why I was doing this to myself. And to him. Though being thrashed, my own self was first. Horrid parent that I am. We finally made it all the way up, and he was like a limp octopus on the floor out side the door and coincidentally at the top of the staircase.

After much coaxing, we got him inside. Then he proceeded to hit me, bite me, pull my shirt, etc. It was horrible. And not foreign to me. As I looked at the doctor, I saw sympathy in her eyes. We left the appointment with him not wanting to leave. So I had the same issues in reverse. I am wondering if he is being let go though because she would not make the next appointment...though it was impossible with his behaviour at that point.

Grammie invited him to sleep over last night. I dropped him off with glee. I hope that he had a wonderful night. I know that I did. Exhaustion kind of does that.

For some reason in the midst of this altercation, this song was in my head...

Part III, Day 3: Blogger Lock Out

2011-06-09T18:28:00.001-04:00

I have no idea what was going on yesterday, but once again, I could not edit my blog...

Part 3, Day 4: Getting ready

2011-06-09T18:17:00.006-04:00

Today my little man graduated from Pre-School. Part of me is relieved. Part of me is happy. Part of me is sad. Soon gone will be the innocence of being a small boy, to be replaced, perhaps, by the cynicism of the day. Part of me wants to stop time and despite the constant meltdown, hold him in my arms and really enjoy this special bond we have. Yet, I know that let him grow I must for he is really eons ahead academically, he is just behind in the social relm. Funny, for parts of the year, I have been wishing for Kindergarten. Wishing to have some real time on my hands. Now, I want to turn back time and wish for more understanding and patience.

See, Gregory was not diagnosised until November, so I was having a wretched time trying to figure out what was going on. No one believed me that there was something a little bit off. He seems fine at first glance. It's the behind the scenes meltdowns and fits. It was the emotional baggage. It was the private beatings he was giving me. I felt so alone. No one, not even my husband, seemed to fully understand the stress and the emotions. It was a dark time. A long, and dark two years.

However, since diagnosis, we, as a family, have drawn together and are figuring out ways to help our little man become a big man. Our days are far from perfect, but there is sun shining on days when in the past there was nothing but darkness. Now I really want to absorb each moment. Gone are the feelings of just trying to survive.

So, as I look at the long summer ahead of us, I am looking at the fun we will have. The new adventures. The new friends. The new us.

Part III, Day 2: Down 10 pounds!

2011-06-07T16:57:00.004-04:00

So, after less than one month with the nutrition doctor, I am down 10 pounds. It actually feels like more than it is because all of my clothes are hanging on me. Literally. It was pretty embarrassing the other day when my son pulled on my pants and they fell down! Thank God I caught them before mooning the entire mall!

I kind of feel like I should treat myself to something. But I have no idea what that would be! I will just have to sit and think about it.

Today was kind of exciting. I was a chaperon for my twins' homeroom on their field trip. We went to a battle ship in Quincy, MA. The USS Salem was huge! They loved seeing the brig, the hospital, and the ice cream area. It was a 6 year old's dream come true.

For some reason the movie Top Gun has been in my head ever since... so...

Part III, Day 1: A Week of Tragedy

2011-06-06T07:02:00.005-04:00

I've been MIA for the past week, because with so many crazy things going on around me I could not bring myself to write about happiness while friends and family are crying in pain. Now that that horrible week is over, I shall continue this journey.

First, I would like to remember Blanca Gomez, a good friend's mother who was killed in Mexico in a horrible tragedy. Please keep her and the entire family in prayers, especially her husband, who was with her at the time. It's funny at times like these, the important minutea in your life suddenly seems minuscule and the important appears from the background to let you re-examine.

I have had so much to talk about this past week, but decided to keep quiet for the week out of respect for the family above and others we know going through very difficult times. It seems wrong to be sunny, when they are all so down. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, time does march on and new adventures and experiences pepper our lives.

My baby had Kindergarten orientation on Friday. How is it possible that he will be in Kindergarten next year? It seemed like these baby/toddler/preschool days would never end. Seven wonderful years are under our belts, yet in some part of my mind, I was convinced that the children would stay little just a smidge longer. Before we know it they will not want to spend time with us. I am trying not to think about it.

Saturday was a walk down memory lane. My eighth grade class had a 25th reunion! It was strange to see people I have not seen since I was 13. Furthermore, part of me returned to that awkward 13 year old when remeeting everyone. I left with a little sadness and as people are friending one another on FB a little more sadness. It is really nothing in the big scheme. I am having a wonderful life and do not need the approval of these people, but to see them treating me the same way is just stunning. There was one woman who turned her back to me three times! I was stunned to be honest. I remembered her at shy, not as bitchy. I guess life treats everyone not so nicely now and then.

Anyway, enough dwelling about that. The next day, Sunday, my husband and I met friends from our time in LA for lunch. It was great to just hang with people who never judged you with tween angst. They had their little one in tow and our three loved playing with her.

So though last week started sourly, it ended with excitement and joy. Hope the winds from the tornadoes last week took the strange air with it and that we can settle into a nice, fun, uneventful summer.

Part II, Day 35: Unofficial Beginning of Summer!

2011-05-30T19:13:00.006-04:00

At long last Spring has found its way to New England! Yesterday and today have been gorgeous and we have been taking in outdoors. This morning hubby and I took our first hike of the season. It was so nice to be back on trails (though swatting away a million mosquitoes was not so fun).

After we picked up the children from my parents, we headed over to a friends' house to kick off the unofficial summer. (For Americans, Memorial Day Weekend is the start of the summer season...though the calendar disagrees.)

We had a relaxing time watching the kids. Wait, let me say that again, we had a relaxing time watching the kids. They had a ball swimming, catching slimy frogs, and hanging with their friends. This was the first party that we could relax and enjoy ourselves. Gregory was a dream child and was not the loudest by any stretch of the imagination.

The best part of the whole thing was really talking to our friends that we usually see in quick hello/goodbye fashion in the pick up and drop off lines.

Hope your summer is starting out well.

Part II, Day 34: A Gift!

2011-05-30T19:12:00.004-04:00

Today my parents gave me and hubby a very huge gift! They took our three little ones for an over night. We were so giddy with excitement that the morning passed so super slowly. Thankfully, 3:30 pm rolled around eventually.

We did some exciting things tonight:
1. Mass without interruptions. I can't tell you the last time we listened to the readings and homily at Mass. That was great!
2. Ran into some great school families at Mass and reconnected with some amazing moms I haven't seen in a few months.
3. Went shopping and had time to meander.
4. Drove through my university campus and had dinner at a great Irish bar we found.
5. Getting ready for bed in a quiet house devoid of children and their schenanigans.

I am sure I will be excited to see them tomorrow. For today, I am excited to have down time, reconnect with my husband, and revel in the silence.

Part II, Day 33: Finding Me - Again!

2011-05-28T14:37:00.006-04:00

This journey has been a wonderful journey back to me. It is actually a surprising find along the way. For the first time in years, I woke up feeling like me. I was energized and ready to start the day. It was so fantastic. The catching up on lost sleep is probably the best part of this project, because in that way I have been finding parts of me that have been buried deep in sleep deprivation, children tugging on me, and a million other things.

Years ago, if anyone would tell me that I would lose so much of myself in such a short time, I would not have believed you. And though the reasons are three fantastic reasons. I have missed myself. I have become a stressed, screechy person. I am sure that I am not fun to be around. I went from being the Happy Hour Queen to the Queen of the Cranky. A title I want to relinquish. Does anyone want it?

The things that used to define me and my person have evaporated. I have lost my name in the process. I have become someone I do not recognize in the mirror most days. My eyes are tired, my body is not the same shape. My days are surrounded with little people and their daily grind. I have been tugged in every direction possible. Life is chaotic and upside down on a good day. Often I feel as though I do not contribute to society in a meaningful way. In short, I am a stay at home mom who is very over qualified with degrees hanging on the wall that are not being used.

Finding some worth in the midst of trying to find happiness is such a bonus. And now that I think about it, how was I thinking I would find happiness without rediscovering and reloving myself? I think women of our generation were sold a giant lie. We were told we could be anything we wanted to be career wise. We were told that we could earn what a man does or more! We were told that we could have a family and balance work without any problems. We were taught that being a stay at home mother was so 50s and so not worthwhile. I want a refund!

We can have all those things listed above with major sacrifices or we can just be as we need to be at that particular time in our lives and not feel the guilt for not being a Super woman. I hope our daughters grow up and appreciate that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want without the guilt of having to be the best of the best at everything. I hope my daughters will find careers that are fulfilling and families that are loving. I hope that they are supported when/if they decided to put career on hold to raise a family. I hope that they are the best persons that they can be and feel their worth in gold.

This song has been bouncing around my head all day. So I share it with you:

Part II, Day 32: Sunshine and chirping birds

2011-05-26T19:34:00.004-04:00

Spring returned yesterday and was here in full force today. Spring, glorious Spring. The month of rain has taken a break and we are basking in the sun in shorts! I was really convinced that this summer would be the winter that never ended. There is even still - yes, still - a pile of snow behind the movie theater. I think another couple of days of this glorious golden ball in the sky will make that big boy evaporate. And I hope that the powers that be in the parking lot of the shopping mall realize that it is silly to pile that much snow in one pile next year!

My little guy was in a glorious mood too. Maybe he has some vitamin D deficiency like his mother? If every day were like today, parenting my three children would be a walk in the park. Or a stroll through a meadow. Or a meander through the woods. My Harriet even asked me today why I wasn't cross. Now that just made me stop and really think about how crazy I have been for the past years.

On doctor's orders (and why did it take doctor's orders?) I am resting a bit each day while this horrible tiredness that has been plaguing me goes away. You know, last year I had mononucleosis and did not know it. I am wondering if I somehow have that again? Probably not, it is probably just that now that I am taking stock of me for a change, that I am noticing these things.

I am tired today. Last night was not an easy night. One of the children had an accident in the middle of the night. That wee accident necessitated washing half of the bathroom with bleach, a midnight shower with scrub down, a clothing change and a load of laundry. After all that, I was wide awake, surfing the web from my iPod and wondering if I could sneak in a bit of a later morning when I remembered that one of my kids was saying the Pledge of Allegiance at morning prayers.

So, today has been glorious and gloriously tiring. All in all a great day!

Part II, Day 31: Looking in the Mirror

2011-05-26T06:18:00.004-04:00

Today I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was surprised at what I saw. Gone were the very deep dark circles under my eyes. Yes, there are still tiredness circles, but they are no longer the color of eggplant, rather they are about 200% lighter! (Perhaps you can imagine just how dark they were!)

I have been forcing myself to do the minimum of 20 minutes a day of exercising. No that is ridiculously low, but I have never done something 7 days a week, so it feels really good. I have only had one really good workout this past week though, so my goal for next week is to make it to the gym or at least pop in an exercise video into the computer at least 3 times. (Our living room does not have a TV, so I use the computer to workout in here.)

Finally, after 2 days shy of a week, I feel a difference in my body. It is really strange. How is it possible to feel a difference after just five days? I don't understand that. I have realized that I was not eating out of control before, but for some reason the order I am eating things this week and the proportion of protein versus carbs is really talking to my body. How could one lousy tweak have such an impact. I will reveal how much I have lost this week Thursday - my official weigh in day.

If this is all it takes to lose the baby weight and regain myself, any amount of work is totally worth it. I just hope that we can get my body back to burning a reasonable amount of fuel to energize itself. I worry that my anorexia in high school has long term effects that will never fix itself. I can't believe looking back at pictures of my 15 and 16 year old self that I ever thought I was fat! I just want to go back and give my young self a hug and tell her that everything will be ok, and that starvation is not worth anything. I often worried that I would be broken from that experience, but in hindsight, it has made me appreciate the thought of fueling the body and really embracing food in a wholesome way.

Some times I wonder how many angels I have out there caring for me. There must be an army. For some of the things I have been through and some things that I just barely avoided in life. There is no other explanation.

This song is such a comfort song for me. Hope it gives a hugs to you too.

Part II, Day 30: Panic!

2011-05-24T19:29:00.005-04:00

It is raining and thundering. And what is my five year old doing? Running around, flailing his arms screaming, "It is thundering! I am panicking!!!" This is causing his sisters to run around crying about losing electricity... which because I am still on here means we still have power. I just hope that this storm passes quickly. It could be a long night with three little ones crying about panicking and panicking each other more and more.

The topic of conversation has now turned to tornadoes. They are now panicked that our house will be demolished in a tornado. We have not told them about the tornadoes this week, so I can only imagine that they are praying for the tornado victims from earlier this week. While I am glad for the social conscious part of their school curriculum. Panicking 5-6 year olds is not welcomed.

Now we have just had our first hit of lightening. My husband is telling them how to tell how far away a storm is and just announced that the storm is directly over us. Thanks... now we are all panicking. This child hates lightening. The only time I liked it was when we were in the Petronas Tower in Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia) during a lightening storm and we watched lightening hit the building near where I was standing by the window and travel around the steel structure. That was cool - freaky - but cool. Lightening over my head, shaking our old farm house. Not so cool.

Part II, Day 29: Karate, revisited

2011-05-24T11:04:00.004-04:00

Today I took the kids back to the Karate dojo to try out a full class of Little Samurais. They loved it. Even Gregory.

Weeks ago when we started talking about karate for Gregory we were concerned with how his sensory and Asperger issues would deal with the karate as a sport. He is already a soccer drop out and we want to shield him from trauma by other parents getting angry at him, etc.

I was invited to stay in the dojo today for half of the class to see how he assimilated. I was pleased to see that he was trying his darnedest to participate in an appropriate manner. He could not help himself a few times to talk out loud and he was a little lost being such a visual learner. But he passed! All three were invited to join the dojo!

I am very excited for them to do Karate and hope that they will receive the tools they need to be proud of themselves and learn to respect more fully! It is funny how sometimes life takes you down a path that you never expected to return.

When I was in university, we had to participate in a year of sports or sports classes for a requirement for graduation. I signed up for Karate because I always wanted to take the sport, but had never had the gumption to just tell my parents. I was too shy about it because I thought that it was not "feminine" enough. I loved Karate and would have graduated a black belt, but I decided to go to Spain for a year, and upon returning I never went back to the dojo. It was Senior year, there were too many graduation requirements I needed to do to ensure graduation with just three years on campus. Maybe after they are assimilated I will return to the dojo and my first athletic love. :)

Part II, Day 28: Ready for a Mamacation

2011-05-22T13:53:00.014-04:00

I am truly excited for tonight. My mom friends and I are getting ready for what I have dubbed our monthly Mamacation night. We usually end up at a local Mexican restaurant drinking margaritas and snacking while chatting the night away. Tonight, though it seems as though we will be just a few...that is ok. I have had quite a weekend and any time away from the house seems like a bit of heavenly time. That must sound horrible...

All of our kids have been beyond wound up for the last month, as I have complained quite a bit about on here. I have started a new low, low calorie diet that is ok, but is leaving me a little hungry here and there. My darling husband has been baking delectable treats all weekend that I can't eat. (Thanks for the support this first weekend...) The twins threw tantrums when I told them that we were all going to Mass as a family. And now I have a bit of resentment built up toward everyone after they all either ignored me or half heartedly gave me peace today during Mass.

In a fit of anger, I told them that they can just count Christmas, Easter, and their birthdays off from the gifts list. Santa and the Easter Bunny will no longer visit us. I expected tears of rage. Instead, the children laughed at me. Really? When I was a kid, I would have been spanked for that and grounded for weeks. Spanking is not allowed and grounding them in the house makes my life harder... I can't take away video games because they don't even have any! That leaves play date removal. None on the horizon. So I decided to talk to them. They said that I misunderstood. They were sorry that they did not want to go to Mass, and would do a better job.

After lunch of a delectable frittata, I convinced the family to go on a walk with me. In a very short time we covered 2 miles. The kids did not whine too much. The whole time though, I felt like my husband was just along physically. I felt like he was not counting it as exercise and just counting down the minutes until he could leave for the gym for his real exercise.

I am really disappointed in a way with the family today. I feel as though I am making a huge change in my life with no real support. It is so hard to eat this high protein, low carb diet that is also low cal when they are all eating sausages, fresh baked products, crap cereal (I have been forbidden from cereal until they figure out why I am having so much trouble losing the baby weight from 5 years ago). Sure everyone is giving me the we are right here by your side, but the actions are speaking louder than words. I don't expect them to stop eating, I just expected a little more support the first week.

Sorry this is such a downer today. Maybe a little uplifting music will help. On the bright side, I feel better. My reflux has been gone for 3 days and my clothes are a little looser. It is just my heart that feels heavier today.

Part II, Day 27: Another Saturday night...

2011-05-21T18:07:00.002-04:00

Our first Saturday morning where we did not have to get up super early and drive down to Boston since September. It was a nice feeling. Not to say that we were lazy. Gregory still had a social skills class this morning. Luckily, my husband promised to bring him to the appointment. That left some quality time with my girls.

We decided to go for a walk since I need to walk a minimum of 20 minutes a day for exercise. Now, for me, 20 minutes is really nothing. So we decided to walk to my aunt's house and drop in for a visit. I am so proud of my girls. They walked 2 1/2 miles without a complaint! We had a nice time and kept a decent clip for their little legs. Needless to say, we did more than 20 minutes. I felt so jazzed after that...then the allergies started to kick up and now I feel miserable.

The most exciting part of the day was... the kids tried out a great Karate place. I have been leery about trying Karate with Gregory's Aspergers. My hubby and I are worried that he will not know or understand what is ok in the dojo is not ok in the house or the school yard. I found this place through another acquaintance who's child has the same diagnosis highly recommended this dojo to us. The kids had a wonderful time and we were so proud of them all as they earned their first belt really they just get it, but the Sensai made them "earn" it.

My husband and I were supposed to go out tonight. We've cancelled those plans to try and get my sinus issue under control. So, it seems like it is another Saturday night at the homestead...

Part II, Day 26: Allergies + Dance Class = Dizzy!

2011-05-20T19:29:00.002-04:00

Today, thanks to horrible allergies, I woke up feeling as though a big truck had crushed my lungs by repeatedly rolling over me. I was in absolutely no mood to get myself out of bed, nevermind, three little ones off to school and myself to my adult jazz class. (Even the thought of dancing on chairs did not pique my interest... truly a sad state of mind I was in.)

Luckily, my husband is working from home today and had a cup of coffee waiting me as I descended the stairs. Thank God he is a morning person because he was even jovial when I begged him to rescue my Mucinex (nasal decongestant) from the back of the Mamamobile. Once the medicine was working and I was somewhat functioning, I settled into a chair and waited to wake up.

I was a bit anxious for some reason about feeling full today. I think it was because the doctor warned me that I would be starving. I wondered how one little cup of Greek yogurt with a tablespoon of chocolate peanut butter and some sliced strawberries would hold me on my exercising. When I put the concoction into my bowl though, I was so surprised. It was actually twice the amount I usually eat for breakfast - and so darn yummy!

Feeling better, I got the kids ready and we left in the rain for yet another rainy Spring day. After drop off and going to the bank for some cash, I decided to go to our local cafe for a water. I knew that I would puke if I tried to have coffee then work out for an hour. Luckily one of my mommy friends was there and we had a nice chat over her bubble tea and my water. Then we headed out for our dance class.

I am so glad that I went. We had a ball. The only problem was that the Mucinex made me dizzy with every leap and every turn. From my 1/2 marathon training days I should have remembered... I will file that in my brain box.

Part II, Day 25: Nutritionist!

2011-05-19T18:14:00.003-04:00

I was quite nervous this morning. Today was the first meeting with the nutritionist doctor. I was nervous about what she was going to tell me. I was waiting to be yelled at. Scoffed at. To be told that I was about to drop dead of some dreadful obesity related illness. Then I started filling out the paper work, and felt like I was in the wrong place. I am not a huge snacker. I am not completely out of control eater.

Instead, as I talked to the nutritionist and later the doctor, there was understanding in their eyes. Perhaps it was B.S., but I really think that they are on to something. Now I just have to figure out how to deal with eating so few calories until this is all figured out. That is kind of scary for me... it actually was not scary until I realized that I could only eat soup at the lunch place today! Though the soup was tasty, I was just trying to figure out how I am going to live on three 300 calorie meals and 3 small snacks. While trying to figure out the protein versus carbs - apples are considered carbs by this place...

Anyway, hopefully in a few months this first day jitter session will be a laugh and I will wonder what I was worried about!

Here is a remake of a classic Queen song that just seems appropriate somehow:

Part II, Day 24: Another day in...

2011-05-19T18:06:00.004-04:00

I truly want to say another day in hell. Today can't be seen as a day in heaven. At the very best, maybe a day in purgatory. Someone once told me that children are like animals. They sense your mood and attack! Today this has been so true. My three are on some sort of brain wave that is causing them to act like little animals.

My son has been one tantrum away from throwing me over the edge of sanity. Then the girls are just fighting, fighting, fighting. I don't see any upside, I feel nauseous and just want to go to bed. Maybe that is where I will go. Early. I think I will skip dinner.

I am so annoyed. This song is now in my head as a great angst song:

Part II, Day 23: FTO = fun day!

2011-05-18T16:09:00.004-04:00

Today my husband took some FTO (basically, a holiday day). We were quite busy with appointments for our youngest all day, but we had time to relax and reconnect. Seems kind of sad that he has to take a day off for us to spend some time together. That said, I will take a random day of FTO over weeks of him traveling. :)

I wonder if we can just run away, plant a coconut tree and live on Rarotonga in the Cook Islands - maybe Pa's Nature Walks could use an assistant? That is really my ideal. I want to escape this thing called life and just be happy. It would not take much to be honest. I am sick of this rat race called modern life. I want to turn in my phone. I want to just be content with my family and hanging out with my friends. Is that even possible?

I remember being in university and talking about building a Utopian village. Obviously, the things I found important back then are no longer important to me - well maybe some things are. But the addition of my husband and my children really skewed what I once thought of as a perfect day. Though I still would put up a long nap and lazing around in that ideal. Isn't funny how the importance of things change as we age? If I could go back and tell my crunchy, granola university self where I would be 20 years later, I would never have believed you. I guess that is the genius of life. No one can ever predict what is going to truly happen.

So, though we were busy, saw the silver lining all day long. Now back to reality...though I am dreading it.

Part II, Day 22: Rainy Days and Mondays

2011-05-16T13:38:00.006-04:00

Today is so gray and cold. What happened to our promised Spring? We are already past the Ides of May and not a true warm up has begun. There is even still snow piled behind the movie theater in town. This is going to be remembered as the Winter of 2011 that never ended. On the good side, our electric bill is quite low because we are not using the air conditioner.

As for the title of this post: I am not in a down mood, as is suggested by the lyrics of the classic Carpenters' hit "Rainy Days and Mondays." Rather the title of the song really sums up the day. It is rainy and it is a Monday. That said it has been a fun day filled with some fun movies.

I have had an enjoyable day with my first born (by a minute). She is home sick today. I don't really think she is 100% ill, I really just felt like she needed a day off from school. That said though, she has been in bed since we returned from the school drop off this morning four hours ago, so perhaps she really is feeling a bit blah after all. She has been so happy to just rest and has not had one idea of the million things we could/should be doing/building/baking/etc. Hopefully, her cough will subside and her energy will return.

When I started this project way back in March, I was hoping to get my creative juices flowing and continue with my writing projects. I had a break through this weekend! I have a fantastic idea that I need to hammer out, but I think that I have finally found a project that is 100% me and that will be just the thing to keep me out of trouble. Right now I have an idea and a vague sense of where I would like this story to go. When the thought flew through my brain though it was as though it were a gift from above. This is the first encouraging sign I have had in 18 months that I would ever return to the land of paper and pen (or keyboard as it really is).

I hope that your Monday is a whole lot less rainy and a whole lot more uplifting than it is here. And if you see the Spring, please send some rays of hope and sunshine my way!

Part II, Day 21: The Great Clean Out

2011-05-15T19:10:00.005-04:00

Today was the perfect day for a great clean out as you can see in the photo above where the floor is gleaming. The kids are having a play date after school tomorrow and they house was a disaster in every room. It feels as though we are constantly cleaning and rearranging this house. I am sure when the kids are grown, I will desperately miss this activity. For now, I am sick of stepping on Hello Kittys, Yodas, and random Lego pieces. I was actually tempted today to pitch all the Barbies and extraneous super heroes in a bin liner. My kids wailed a resounding, "No." As a compromise, they cleaned or I threatened to fill my white plastic bag with an assortment of crap from their floors and the floor of the playroom.

After initially trying to play and call that cleaning, we had an understanding. I kept shaking my bag with glee. They worked a little harder. At the end of the afternoon, the house was mostly back in order. There is no way that I can finish this entire endeavour today. Really, that would require a back hoe and some landfill, but at least it will not be an embarrassment to open our home tomorrow afternoon to our new friends.

For some reason, this song by Tracy Byrd has been in my head all afternoon. Something today reminded me of when I lived in DC. I have no idea what that could be because I was definitely not sorting through children's toys at that point in my life. Since it is on eternal repeat, I share it with you:

Part II, Day 20: Night sans Kidlets

2011-05-15T19:01:00.008-04:00

As a surprise, my godparents called to take the three children OVERnight. To say that I was jumping for joy, is an understatement. We have not had a night to ourselves since September 2010. It is now May 2011. You can do the math.

At first we did not know what to do last night, but quickly followed spontaneity. First we tried a new Thai restaurant in our town, then as we were driving by the movie theater, we decided to go and see "Bridesmaids." I was not sure what to expect, what I heard and saw were definitely not what I would have expected.

Later as my husband and I were discussing the raunchy movie, I told him it felt like every thought a woman ever had said out loud. Though this movie is not at all kid friendly, I have not laughed so hard in years. Tears were running down my cheeks and I fears that I would pee myself. Thankfully, no pants were ruined! LOL.

Here is an important song from the movie:

Part II, Day 19: Blogger still down

2011-05-15T19:01:00.002-04:00

On Friday, blogger was still down! I could not access the posting portal at all...

Part II, Day 18: Blogger down

2011-05-15T19:00:00.003-04:00

Blogger was down this day and now I don't remember what happened!!!

Part II, Day 17: Trampled by a dinosaur

2011-05-11T19:15:00.000-04:00

Today, I awoke with such a refreshment and such a joie de vivre... that hallucination lasted a mere 42 minutes and I wish that I could go back and repossess my day so that I will be able relive the day.

Is there a rewind button on life? Because quite honestly, I want to rewind and a re-do. My son has Aspergers and his day was set upside down by a field trip from the Pre-K building to the "big" school and the library. He was with his teachers and friends (and yours truly as one of the chaperones). In addition, he visited the librarian who currently comes down to his school to read books.

Let me back up just a smidge, the day started out with him not wanting to get dressed. I should have known from that moment that we would jump off an emotional cliff that would end with me in a comatos like state staring at this computer and willing my husband to walk through the door. Right now they are upstairs having bath time, but I digress.

After a bit of a wrestling match to get the boy dressed, there was an argument over the cereal type I had decided to give this morning. I changed bowls and thought the rest of the morning would smooth out. This part of the morning was the happy part.

My girls were reading the morning prayers and as luck happened it was raining. I thought this would be great. No school yard to set of the son's sensory issues. Waiting in the hall was a million times worse. I was head butted, feet stomped on, and an umbrella weilded at my head. Finally, I decided to take him out and miss the girls' recitations. Luckily, my mother was along to be a face to beam at the granddaughters.

When we finally reached the street, I was bitten repeatedly for the crime of removing the umbrella that was hitting me. I was punched, kicked and called a variety of names. I managed to keep it somewhat together and stoically walk Gregory the block to his building. Then I quickly deposited him with his teacher with a terse, "Good luck. It's been a bad morning." Then as the door swooshed close behind me a father asked me, "Having a good morning?" I answered, "No, actually." Then I promptly burst into tears and blathered to another friend and took off back to the big school where I saw one of my best friends, but could not even talk to her because I was crying too much.

The teacher had asked me to be a chaperone as I was leaving because she was worried aobut him. So after a quick breakfast, I returned to the school with a heavy heart and reluctance. Gregory seemed fine with the walk to the library and the actual time in the library. Then we had a surprise visit to his classroom next fall. Dear Lord above, you would have thought they were caning him. He refused to try out a desk and when asked his favorite part he said, "I'm nervous about Kindergarten." Then he and I bolted into the cafeteria because he was mess.

On the walk back to his classroom, he seemed fine. Then as a treat I took him to see "Rio." They were having a sensory friendly showing at a local theater. So we enjoyed the movie with lunch and I thought the day was back on track. From pick up until now it has been one thing after another and right now my world is black and I see no upside. So feeling trampled by a dinosaur right now, reminded me of this song:

Part II, Day 16: A Bully's A Bully

2011-05-11T16:57:00.000-04:00

Today was a crazy day. If it were a Monday, I would say it is a Manic Monday, as it is though, it is a manic Tuesday. Maybe I can be all superior about it and deem today a Monday and then the Bangles song will be valid?

The day started out ok enough, but by noon was already in a crazy mixed up state. I started out the day late. Not because of my own tardiness, but rather the tardiness of three little munchkins. I hate being late. Did I mention that I hate being late. That just set the rest of the day.

Between school hysteria over a new policy that is being debated by parents, though we seem to have no say in the situation... the kids refusal to do homework, and then running between three meetings at the same time, I was frazzled by the time I ate dinner at 10 pm!!!

As for the title of this post? One of the three meetings was a Bully Prevention meeting at the kids' school. People are so mad about another issue that they boycotted it. So representing 300 families? A mere 13 families. It was embarrassing to say the least.

Here is to deeming any manic day at Manic Monday!

Part II, Day 15: Lasagna - A Hug for the Soul

2011-05-09T19:08:00.005-04:00

Today was a day of remembering my grandmother. The other night I had made a dish that we call Turkish Pasta. We had it on our mini-moon (the honeymoon for our civil marriage) in Konstanz, Germany. It was a simple pasta dish and for some reason I was craving it the other night. In the process of making that dish, I had inadvertently made way too much meat sauce, so I put the rest in the fridge and had the brilliant idea to turn the sauce into the basis of a lasagna of sorts.

I could just hear my grandmother now scolding me for changing the family recipe. She would have taken it as an affront to generations of lasagna making and would have claimed that it was not fit to be called lasagna.

As usual, my kids all turned their noses up at the creation, but my husband and I loved it! We actually ate all 5 servings (and are now regretting our greed). This meat sauce is so yummy that I think that I will need write down what I put in it because this was not cooking with a recipe cooking. This was cooking from memory and taste. This is the cooking I was taught with. I am religious about following new recipes to the t. Then I take whatever culinary liberties that I would like to take. In the process most meals have my stamp on them. This was just plain old good food. A warm hug from the inside that leaves you feeling all gooey and comforted.

Hopefully, you have a meal this week that hugs you like that too.

Part II, Day 14: The Mother of All Days

2011-05-08T18:28:00.004-04:00

Today is Mother's Day. I have to admit, that I woke up in a crabby mood and that I was not at all festive. My family gave me a wonderful morning: breakfast in bed with homemade sticky buns and a loungy chair for the garden (something I have been wanting for 6 years!).

But something was bothering me and has been bothering me for weeks. I can't figure out exactily what it is, but hope that the cloud will be lifted and that I can just feel free-er. (Is that even a term? Well, it is now.)

I need to detox my life and just start being. Something I could do very easily in my 20s, but find difficult at the end of my 30s. Perhaps a move would change things up for me? Perhaps I need to refocus my life. Perhaps I just need to let criticism hang in the air and not bow down to its tentacles. Perhaps I just need to stop thinking.

Anyway, here is a little song in honor of all mothers out there:

Part II, Day 13: Last day of German Saturday School!!!!

2011-05-08T18:22:00.006-04:00

Today was quite a milestone in the year of our family! The last day of classes for Saturday German School until next year. We still must attend the closing party next Saturday. But that is a fun day! The kids perform and receive any diplomas they may have earned. Then the entire family is treated to bratwurst and cake.

Many families seem to skip this festivity every year, but they are totally wrong to do so. The day really is a joy and it is nice to wrap up the whole year with a fun activity for which the kids work so hard preparing.

We also were able to visit with a dear friend who is on holiday from the UK. Her family is old family friends from my father-in-law's university days. The kids are all now grown (My husband and this woman) and we have been hanging out for years. Though since we have had the children, much less often.

It was great to get together with her and just enjoy her company. It makes me wish that she still lived here in the US. Perhaps we will move back to Europe and then we can be closer. One never does know.

So today's happy points are: finishing the year's course for my children and visiting with a dear friend.

Part II, Day 12: Attack of the School Uniforms

2011-05-08T18:19:00.004-04:00

Today was the annual school uniform swap and yours truely was in charge of the whole schebang. It was quite a feat that was thankfully aided by some great friends who stepped up to help me and my co-chair.

Who knew that jumpers, skirts, trousers, and shorts could cause such a foray into madness! It is amazing how much we all saved by not buying brand new uniforms for next year. We deduced that the dresses are made of the most indestructible material ever invented.

I am so excited that kids are kitted out for the next school year. Most importantly, I am absolutely elated that the swap is completed! What a huge undertaking. I will not be running this baby next year...

Part II, Day 11: Cinco de mayo

2011-05-05T21:21:00.004-04:00

Today is el cinco de mayo. Some say it is a big cause for celebration. I think it is just a cause for celebration. Know what I mean? But sometimes do you need a reason to celebrate. Sometimes just hanging out with friends is all that you need.

It was a strange, exhilirating day. I just returned from the Guild meeting for my children's school. We all had to pick two events to co-host next year. This year, I did one small event and one larger than life event. I am done with larger than life events. So I cheesed out and chose two small events. Santa Fotos at the Christmas Fair and the snacks for the Guild Installation. Should be a piece of cake and maybe, just maybe I will cook for them all. :) We shall see what I feel like next year.

Anyway, not a crazy fun day, but a nice day nonetheless.

Part II, Day 10: Blah!

2011-05-04T20:17:00.002-04:00

Today is a blah day! It could be the rain. Everything seems gray and half full. I hate when I have these days. Well, at least tomorrow should be better. It has to be, right?

Part II, Day 9: Back in the Saddle

2011-05-04T07:14:00.005-04:00

Today was truly a step back in time. I taught for the first time in seven years. Literally, seven years. See seven years ago this week, I was placed on bed rest during my pregnancy with the twins. So when my children's school called to tell me the Spanish teacher was away and asked if I would like to help out, I said yes.

It was exciting to be back in the classroom and I totally want this job should it ever come to pass that the teacher retires! Her schedule is the cushiest schedule in the entire world: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 12:20-2:20. Yep, you read that correctly. Four days a week for two hours. A total of three classes per day with three very light preps. From what I can understand no to little homework and preps easier than I have ever had.

I was nervous about teaching the middle school level since I had not taught that level EVER. I started out teaching at UCLA as part of my fellowship for the doctoral program (I did not finish because my professor, who was the only expert in my field left the university and never returned). Then I taught at some community colleges. Then I was at an all girls' high school for a while. Then a stay at home mom driving my husband insane with my endless projects. Though I think he enjoys my enthusiasm and drive. :)

It was fantastic to be speaking Spanish again for long chunks and I realized that I still have the teaching thing. The kids were enthusiastic. We did their exercises so quickly and it was so much fun. Though those poor seventh graders had to endure six listening comprehensions via CD for 35 minutes! I was bored to tears, I can only imagine how they felt.

I spoke with the French and Chinese teachers later (All the language teachers share an office) and they were shocked when I told them that I had a ball. The French teacher told me that it has not be fun for her for years. That is a little sad. Teaching was always fun for me. I hated the correcting, but loved the students and loved seeing their eyes open with excitement to learn a new lesson. Let's see if this substitute gig ever pans out.

Oh, and my first grade daughters informed me that they could hear me downstairs. Still a loud teacher... gotta love booming Spanish in the quiet school. Those kids had so much fun!!

Anyway, I will report on my second day. Today truly brought me happiness!

Part II, Day 8: Belly Dancing!

2011-05-02T11:47:00.003-04:00

In my quest to get fit and happy (as well as, healthy) I had enrolled in Boot Camp. This idea was such a great idea and had such wonderful potential. 5 weeks of hell for a life recovered. However, day dreams and reality are often not well aligned. This was the case with Boot Camp. All the best intentions have left me a Boot Camp drop out - for a second time.

Part of me feels guilty because I was really committed to this, but part of me is relieved because I was so anxious and stressed about finding a babysitter. It was going to cost a lot of money for the five weeks, but we were willing to do so for my fitness.

So, undeterred to figure out my own boot camp, at my pace, I devised this program:
exercise classes at my gym three times a week and find a nutritionist who is backed by a doctor.

Today was the beginning of this new odyssey here in my life. I convinced my Boot Camp buddy to join me at the first day of this new regimen. We decided to try the Belly Dance class. It sounded fun and we figured with all the hip shaking, it had to be a good workout. I was so sweaty when we ended, but it was so, so much fun!! We shimmied, we shook, we laughed and we had an intense workout! Now we just have to figure out Wednesday adventure. For now Fridays will remain Adult Jazz.

As for the nutritionist, I have an appointment on May 19th. I can't wait to hear what they have to say. :)

In the meantime, the dancing in this song reminds me of today's class:

Part II, Day 7: Gardening to Happiness

2011-05-02T07:06:00.003-04:00

Today was a fantabulous day - my own word, I admit, but so much more than fantastic and fabulous! :)

My daughters slept over at Grammie and Grampy's house so we had our son with us. The boys decided to let me sleep in to the late hour of 7:45 am and then when I tried to go downstairs, I was shooed back upstairs! So I was forced to hang out in bed, listening to some of my favorite 80s music on the TV music channel while sipping coffee. Then they made homemade scones and we had breakfast in bed. It was not a special day, but I felt so special.

After lolling about until 10 am, we finally got our rears in motion and went shopping for new trash containers for the curbside pick up, mulch for the garden and leaf picker upper thingies for the garden. Then we went to a gardener's bliss...

There is a gardening store near us that has row upon row of gorgeous plants and trees and flowers and what not. The whole thing is the size of a soccer field. I am not an avid gardener, but I love going to this place and seeing potential and day dreaming. We walked every aisle and could not decide what to purchase for our yard, so we decided to have lunch at the farmer's market that was at the end of the tree aisle. We discovered some amazing vendors: the best jam I have ever had and I have had jam all over the place, an organic spice purveyor, an all natural butcher with a farm close by, and a nice sense of community. We will definitely go back there!

After our delightful lunch, we finally made decisions: a magnolia tree, a self-pollinating peach tree, a pussy willow tree, a forsynthia bush, and poppies, pansies, English daisies and an artichoke. The yard is already looking a little better.

The gardening was hard work, but it will be great! So, if you are looking for a new hobby that is a good workout, let me suggest some gardening!

Part II, Day 6: Minus two kids

2011-05-01T17:08:00.005-04:00

Tonight my mother called and asked if the twins could stay over and would I mind? Would I mind? Please take the little ones from me. Still not feeling 100% and a little break will do me some good. Now to convince the hubby to take the little man to dinner. I am sure that will not be a hard sell since the two of them have very little time alone together now that all three are in German school on Saturdays.

Part II, Day 5: Fever hits home

2011-05-01T17:07:00.004-04:00

Today I was down and out for the count. Fever, sluggish, not a bit to report. Just lots of driving and trying to stay awake. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better!!

Part II, Day 4: Sidelined by Scarlet Fever

2011-04-29T07:26:00.005-04:00

Today did not go as planned from sun up to sun down. Instead of getting ready for my second boot camp class and perhaps being more in pain than ever before, I was carting children around and one in particular back and forth to the doctor's office. Caroline has scarlet fever.

The mention of scarlet fever seems so Victorian or early 20th century at the very least. I was even tempted to ask if we were going to be quarantined. Funny, how years ago, the entire family would have been sealed into the house, battling the life threatening disease, that now is just treated with a bit of penisilian and a smile.

I was convinced that she would miss at least the rest of the week of school, but the doctor told me that she can return tomorrow. So hopefully, Friday, though always crazy, will be a little easier without having to juggle a scarlet child, as well as, the usual appointments for my son.

Today was an emotional day for me for other reasons, but ended after a two hour nap on a nice note. Dinner alone with my husband. It was not fancy food, but it was nice to just relax alone.

Part II, Day 3: The Hobbler

2011-04-27T11:02:00.004-04:00

You may call me the Hobbler today. Every muscle in my gluts area hurts. And the side of my body. I feel old, but a little energized, but exhausted. I have no idea how one could possibly feel all of those things together, but I do. What a crazy ride this boot camp thing is going to be on my body. I am off boot camp until tomorrow night and I am desperately not trying to think about the agony I will be experiencing on Friday while attempting to leap and dance in class. This week, grace is not my goal, but rather not falling over. Small goal, perhaps I can actually attain it.

I thought I would be fine today, seeing as I made it through all day yesterday with only a twinge. As dusk descended upon our house, so too did pain and stiffness. How could I have barely any pain all day to only bet writhing in pain at bedtime? Either my body is just aging or this too shall pass. I hope for the this too shall pass bit.

One exciting thing about myself that I have totally realized, is that I think I can manage the next 9 classes of this hell. And then I will be conquering my next exercise fear: spinning! I have always wanted to do spinning, but have been so afraid of not being able to do it.

Where does this deep sense of fear come that is rooted in the belly of my soul? I think it can be traced back to grammar school when I was often picked last or next to last because I was not athletically inclined. I remember telling a friend in college that these legs are not made for running. While it is true I have never been a fast runner, I can run when I want to. That I found out while doing Karate in college and ran home one night, and did not even realize that I was running until I arrived at the door in record speed from the origination point.

Anyway, today it is all about optimism and seeing that I can do things. Maybe not fast, but can definitely do them. So, here's to living life in technicolor and not in black and white, siezing the day and really living.

Part II, Day 2: Boot Camp

2011-04-26T17:49:00.004-04:00

Trying to navigate the road to happiness has been fraught with bumps and aggravation. There have been times of extreme happiness and times of extreme exhaustion and loneliness. Though, who's life isn't I guess? It just seems harder sometimes when it is your life that is throwing grenades in the way.

During the first forty days of this project, I realized that I am a bit angry about life and just need some physical movement to improve the mood. To that end, I signed up for the Adult Jazz class that I attend on Fridays. It is a hoot and especially on the days that I do not want to go I feel better. And the best part? I lost eight pounds without really trying. OK, I tried a little bit, but it was easy. Take that back, it was hard work each Friday, but it was not disruptive to my day to day life.

Then, at a school function, I won a five week boot camp with a friend. Yesterday began my foray into a previously, and still, scary zone. The military scares me. They break you down to build you up. There are tons of men and women out there in the military and I totally respect you. Thank you for all the sacrifices you are giving your nations. That said, it has never been my thing.

About 11 years ago, my husband and I decided to try boot camp at our gym. We made it exactly 15 minutes. I could not keep up with the psycho teacher and she just plain scared me. I ran away. There is only one other thing I have run away from in life, and that makes the second. So there, now you know I ran away from two things in my life (not bad for 38 years, right?)

Anyway, those two things were:
1. The US Foreign Service Examination (I walked in the auditorium, and I walked out... no idea why or anything. There went my dreams to serve in the diplomatic corp in a moment of insanity.)
2. Boot Camp at a gym in Boston (purely scared and a chicken)

Now, fast forward to last month: at the school function, I spied the boot camp. I excitedly bid on it with a friend and we outbid others to win it! Then I confidently signed up and with butterflies in my stomach and the back bone of an amoeba, shakily drove to the boot camp rendezvous. I was feeling like slime on the floor. Then, to top it off, I had to be weighed in front of 23 others!!! And then my BMI was checked. This was about the last straw. I wanted to run away. But I learned something over the course of training for the half marathon in 2009. I can do anything. Maybe not fast, maybe as slow as molasses, but I can finish. So, I just hung in there, out of breath and sore as can be last night.

As I told my friend this morning, we can handle anything for one hour and if we can't keep up, oh well. They can just kick us out. :)

For some reason this song is stuck in my head, so I share it and hope others are having an easier time with this thing called exercise!

Day 1 of Part II of the Happiness Project: The Shape Up!

2011-04-25T10:43:00.008-04:00

Now that I have dusted off the happiness feelings and am starting to feel like myself for longer periods of time, the next phase of the happiness project is ready to begin. My goal for the first part of this project was to increase my happiness level to get my creative juices running for my writing projects.

Though I have made a huge headway in the happiness factor, I am still not back in the good place for my writing. So this project will be rolled out over the next year to include different parts.

Part I: Was working on general happiness and working on specific projects. Those projects will continue, but the focus will shift majorly to kicking the exercise part up significantly.

Part II: This part is starting today and will include at least three intensive workouts a week and more seeing the silver lining.

Future Parts will be introduced at the end of each phase.

For my first long term goal, I will begin training my body to run my second Walt Disney Half Marathon in January 2013. I know that seems a long time away, but my husband and I are planning to run it with his sister and we all need lead time to both train and already have other plans with their father during the 2012 race. In addition to just running the race, I want to shave time off of my first race time of 3:08. I am sure that is possible. The first race was just about finishing it. The next one is about finishing it in less than 2:45! (I am the world's sllllooowwweeesstt runner so we shall see!!!

So, here is to the first day of the new phase. This phase will include my return to clean eating - I am convinced the fuel we ingest has a huge impact on our outlook. This phase will last for 35 days

Day 40: Re-learning the ABCs

2011-04-17T08:28:00.006-04:00

A few years ago, my good friend Ramon proposed that we should do an ABC poster together. I would write the text and he would design it. I was happy to oblige and it took a year of back and forth and whatnot to finally see a version of this poster. Looking back over this past 40 days, how far I have come in my quest for happiness is amazing. I did not believe that it was possible to find a happier place for me in my current life.

Over the past few weeks, I have learned and re-learned a ton. These are the important lessons of this part of the journey:

1. Take time to smell the roses and savor the scent
2. Happiness is somewhat self derived
3. My happiness affects the entire family, and most importantly my son's well-being
4. Little moments of divine intervention happen every day, I just have to take the time to see it
5. A song can change a mood and now I have 40 great songs on my iPod to help me get through life's rollercoaster
6. There is no such thing as a truly 100% blissful life, learn from the downs and rejoice in the ups

Finally, I retook my happiness number and now I am: 3.17 out of a 5. That is a vast improvement from day 1 and I feel it.

This journey is not over, but I will be taking a brief break this week. When I return, I will reveal the next part of this process: the 5 week renewal project!

So in the meantime, peace, happiness and love to everyone. And I have to end with a song - off course.

Day 39: Zoo-rific

2011-04-16T15:36:00.009-04:00

Today was Girl Scout Day at the Franklin Park Zoo in Boston. Hundreds of little girls to big girls were running all around the zoo having a ball. My girls are Daisy Scouts - the littlest girl scouts - and just trying to get all 14 little girls to move was quite a feat. After two and a half hours they had managed to make it to the arts and crafts area set up for them, the zebras, the tigers, and the lions...and lunch. The leaders kept warning them that recalcitrant little ones would be locked up with the monkeys. I don't think these savvy girls bought that threat at all. :)

Between all the slowness, the boisterousness, the curiosity, and the girly giggles, there were sweet moments that reminded me of the happiness I have been seeking (and finding) during this 40 day project. The girls were happily taking care of each other in that they were in buddies. To be six or seven and holding the hand of a buddy to make sure that no one is lost. The joy of seeing a lion playing with a box and the shear wonder of what is in the box. Swinging from low branches and worrying only about the moment.

The most amazing thing that I witnessed was the self-less sharing of Girl Scout cookies with an older woman. The girls knew that she was part of the Girl Scouts somehow because she had an official badge and was dressed in Girl Scout Gear. They had no idea that she is the CEO of Eastern Massachusetts. All they knew is that she was obviously a sister scout and she must need a snack. The photographers loved the scene and were snapping photos, so I am sure that it will appear somewhere. The girls were just being sweet. Not expecting anything in return. Isn't it a shame that we can't be a little more self-less. A little more concerned with other people's hunger and not worried about how we will look to the outside world. Today's happiness lesson came at an appropriate time in this project and it well noted.

Thank you little scouts for teaching this former Scout a thing or two.

Day 38: New do

2011-04-15T15:36:00.009-04:00

Today was another hectic day. Why do we do this to ourselves? Instead of living life, we are being driven by it, eh? Or am I the only one who feels this way? From 8am until after 8 pm today I was carting little people around, making trips to and from school, pick ups, drop offs, school, appointments, Daisy Scouts, etc. Then finally a few moments to just be: a pedicure. I just wanted to be quiet and not hear complaints. I wanted to contemplate my crappy glass of wine and relax with my sister-in-law. Relax we did, but in the background this nagging feeling that I had forgotten something. Then it hit me. I had forgotten to savour the day. I was so busy doing and checking off things, that I did not savor.

Newly resolved, I tried to be in the moment, even when I had to crunch over a broken beer bottle in my thin flip flops whilst picking up a bit of curry from our neighborhood Indian watering hole. Finally, a warm meal, not prepared by me this week. One that I love: Peshwari naan and vegetable korma. Heavenly.

Oh, and the best laugh of the day? Caroline wanted to give her Papa a new hair-do. He innocently agreed and did not realize that she was weilding nail scissors. Now he has a new bald spot. Hopefully, the hair will grow before he returns to work after Easter. Thank God for vacations!!!

Caroline has been crying non-stop since the scissor incident. I convinced her to draw a sorry card for Papa. She did and included the cutest "mad face of Papa" drawing.

Day 37: Barbie

2011-04-14T12:45:00.007-04:00

Today is the day that we have been waiting for, in just a few hours my sister-in-law will be here. After all the running around, all the errands, all the cleaning, and all the anticipation, I am a little pooped. Nothing a coffee can't help though.

So as soon as I finish here, I am going to run to vacuum the car at the car wash, and get a few flowers to spruce up the place. Then time for the trek to the airport. I love the airport, it is the only place I know where everyone is hurrying to sit down for at least an hour. Plus, if you are delayed, it is like a place without time in someways, because you are forced to sit and, gasp, wait. How great is that? You must stop what you are doing, and if you are actually flying, you are paying for that! :)

The reason that Barbie popped into my head is that my daughters placed their flowers in her room. These are their new special flowers from my cousin's baby shower last Sunday. The arrangement is a bright pink Barbie coloured vase with Barbie colored gerbera daisies. So to follow, here is a great, happy song to help you get your Barbie groove on:

Day 36: The Deep Clean

2011-04-13T20:26:00.007-04:00

Our house is all abuzz because tomorrow my husband's sister and our kids' dear Tante (Aunt) is flying over the pond to visit us. We have been excited to see her since we left her at the Koeln (Cologne) train station back in December. We knew that we were going to be together again in a few short months. It was a sad goodbye, but not devastating...plus the kids all got marshmallow pigs after we said goodbye which sweetened the blow.

For the past weeks, as part of this happiness project, we have been busy cleaning, pitching items, and donating everything that is salvageable. Today, my mother and I kicked this into a new high when we purged a lot of things from the basement monster. We recycled what we could, we donated what we could, and we threw everything else away. My husband actually asked me where our basement was. I took this as a huge compliment.

I also found out something exciting: My son loves, loves, loves, loves to do the laundry. I think we have found a new way to get our 14+ loads done each week! I keep wondering at which pace our washer will wear out (we air dry a lot of things, so that is not as many loads) since the national average is 6-8 loads per family. So far, knock on wood, our machines are holding up nicely and are spinning as we speak.

Tonight, the entire family rearranged the playroom into the adult oasis pictured above. I hope my sister-in-law appreciates that it was weeks of toy removal and repurposing that allowed for this glorious event to happen. With three kids we had so many toys in that small space that you could not even walk in there. The only surface that was clear for months was the treadmill.

This project prompted me to start the deep clean. It is theraputic and is making life so much easier. The best thing is that my son has been so calm for the past two weeks. He is a joy to be around and is truly shining as the star he is. So break out your dust cloths and trash bags...and get some happiness!

This Elton John song is my all time favorite travel song. Safe travels to all traveling today and tomorrow.

Day 35: The Fishetary

2011-04-12T16:32:00.006-04:00

Today Fishy joined the big blue sky of fishes. Fishy died of injuries sustained while in the garbage disposal. I did not tell the children before school because I was afraid to ruin their entire day. Instead, I waited until homework was completed and then told Caroline that her beloved Fishy had gone back home to God.

As you can imagine Caroline is very upset. We had a very solemn and emotional graveside burial and then the children decided to build a Fishetary.

The only bright side of the day today was when I bought this little guy for my hubby. Garden gnomes drive him insane and I think that I am pretty funny.

Here is one of our favorite songs to help improve the mood.

Day 34: Surviving the Garbage Disposal

2011-04-11T10:42:00.017-04:00

Last night was an emotional night for our kids. Their beloved Fishy accidentally fell into the garbage disposal as my husband was changing its water. He felt bad for the fish's dirty water and wanted the fish to have some nice clean water in which to swim. His first reaction was that the fish had gone for a swim into the sewer system.

For almost a year now, we have been changing the water in the sink on the same side as the garbage disposal. Until last night there was never any inadvertent journeys down the drain. My husband was upset. I think not so much that he had done this, but because Caroline took it so hard. She won him last year at a school sponsored Bingo game. We never even realized that she was so attached to it.

As everyone was panicking, I realized that the Fishy could still be in the garbage disposal since that was the side of the water changing. Some how, I unwrapped myself from a hysterical Caroline and a panicked Gregory and fetched a light to shine down the disposal. There at the bottom was Fishy! I was worried about putting our hands down the thing for fear if it came on, so Benedikt fished Fishy out using two spoons.

To our amazement, Fishy was alive. Breathing. Scales missing, but breathing. In shock on its side, but breathing.

Last night, Caroline wrote this note to Fishy:

It was a sweet sentiment from a sweet girl for her beloved pet fish. This card is a keeper, though for now it is next to Fishy's bowl helping the convalescing fish on its way.

Last night and today's lesson have truly been to savor the moments of childhood innocence and wonder. Believe in miracles. Not count on things being gone if there is even a millimeter's possibility of a positive outcome. And to always change the fish over a sieve!

Here's a little Robbie Williams that fits the theme:

Day 33: A Whole New Attitude

2011-04-10T17:29:00.009-04:00

Isn't it amazing what a difference a day can make to an attitude. Today, along with a sunshine day, the dawn brought with it a new attitude for me. Gone were the feelings of a despondent 15 year old, that the night had left me with. Instead, in its place was a feeling of hope and a bit of anxiousness when it was realized that both girls had outgrown their Spring cardigans and we had a baby shower in less than one hour!

Like this blooming flower above, my attitude was blossoming and proved to make way for a rather enjoyable day. Funny how that happens. It is much better to start the day in a positive manner, it just seems to continue the whole day through. We had a fabulous time feting my cousin and her soon to be daughter. Then we enjoyed the movie "Hop" immensely. It is really such a great movie and one I highly recommend!

After the shower and the movie, I was totally energized to tackle the trash on our front lawn. I really don't understand it. What possesses people to throw their trash out of their moving cars? We recovered a whole trash bag of other peoples disgusting trash from the lawn. Thankfully, we all wore gloves. It is a chore I hate to do, but one that we have to do because we end up looking like the slobs! So bye-bye winter's worth of trash. Hello, Spring!

Today was about renewal. And really isn't that what this project is all about? Me thinks this whole project has been one big winner and that it is not really a project that will stop at day 40. So buckle up and enjoy the next seven days because I have a few tricks up the proverbial sleeves.

Here's a great look behind the scenes of the remake of "I Want Candy." Enjoy!

Day 32: Party Pooper?

2011-04-09T18:11:00.012-04:00

Today I feel like a party pooper. My mouth wrinkles are decidedly down and not even the thought of watching my favorite show tonight is making me feel any better. I want to be alone and I want to be out and about. I want to scream in aggravation, and I want to want to run through fields. Yet, grouchy Greta is all that seems to be around me today. I know what is wrong, but I don't want to admit it outloud.

See it all started about 23ish years ago. I was sick with a fever and I was in a fight with a friend. I was being dumped from the group for not being cool enough and I was spitting mad, and also, did I mention I had a very high fever? I was delirious. I wrote a quite flowery letter comparing said friend and the new friend that I was dumped for to Don Quijote and Sancho Panza. Now it was stupid and ridiculous for me to 1. leave a note for my friend, 2. to compare her and this girl to Don Quijote and Sancho Panza, and 3. sealing doom on my high school years. I didn't want to be Baby in the corner (yes, that was a Dirty Dancing nod), and I knew that I would never be the cool one. I just wanted to exist and get the hell out of high school.

See I was not the type that wanted to be a cheerleader (no offense), or be Ms. Popular, my goal was to simply to survive my adolescent hell and get into university as quickly as I possibly could. However, all of that was derailed in a few moments of febrile idiocy that allowed me to "break" up my friendship of many years with a girl that I had been very close to. It was a hellish time and after a week of blackouts caused by fevers and being really sick, I returned to school forgetting that on the last day in school - and coincidentally, the day the fevers started and the day I wrote the stupid letter - I had written a really terrible letter. However, more than half the class was a mean as fire to me for months after I returned. If it wasn't for the girls on the softball team, I would have left the school. They convinced me that I should stick it out. Funny to think it was all caused by a letter. But one that forever forged a rift between my former good friend and I. And a letter that sealed my fate as having the worst sophomore year in high school history.

Now, why in the world would I be thinking about this now? And why would that one episode be coloring my day today all these years later? Fast forward through the rest of high school. Even though the incident was eventually brushed under the rug, it forever scarred me. I don't think any one involved remembers probably, but the girl I compared to Don Quijote, as leading the girls around and deciding who would do what, was loved by most of the class and she hated me. She tormented me the rest of the second year of secondary schooling and then was just plain snide and rude the rest of our time together. Small girls' schools with 42 classmates leave little room to hide. So, when I think of horrible days in high school her face pops up in my head and still brings a gasp to my throat - I have forgiven, but I am having a hard time with the forgetting piece. It is probably the one silly piece of baggage that I really bring with me from that time. But really, at 15 who doesn't want to just belong? Who wants to be the outcast? Who wants to feel like crap because of a stupid note written in a fit of stupidity? No one, that is who.

Tonight, there is a gathering of all the girls called together by my former tormenter. The invites were sent via Facebook weeks ago and though I received one, via someone else, I decided to politely decline. But now that we are one hour away from the event, I kind of am regretting it and kind of want to go to see everyone, not Ms. 'Tude, but the rest of our class. I just can't get myself to go out that door. So, instead, I am sitting here drinking a rather nice India Pale Ale from the Cisco Brewery in Nantucket and thinking...a terrible thing.

So, even though I am not there, here is my fav tune from that angst ridden times. Simple Minds. Simply divine.

Day 31: Guiness Ice Cream!

2011-04-08T17:03:00.007-04:00

This photo has been used before in this blog, but it was just so fitting for the subject, that I could not resist using it again. So, please forgive me using it twice during this project.

Today was a crazy day that started out with me forgetting my trusty sidekick: my cell phone. A day without this apparatus sent shivers down my spine. A friend laughed at me and told me, "Time to go old school." See, I was trying to ditch a very much needed dance class to go home to get the darn thing. I was rationalizing that my kids could be sick and then I would not know it. Very sound reasoning I thought. Thankfully I listened to Paula and a bit of Zen returned to my life.

Today, was more than retro day, it was a milestone for me! For the first time since 1996 I was phoneless in the US. I have been overseas for extended periods of time since then cell-less, but this was here in the good ole US! The day was rather relaxing despite all of the errands I had to run. I was also watchless - my watch right now is my cell phone. It was cathartic to not be tied to a phone. I was unreachable and for the six hours I was off-line and off-phone it was great! I highly recommend going old school for a day. :)

After all my errands and two school pick ups, my twins had an ice cream party with their Daisy Girl Scout troop with their father. It was Me and My Guy day. My son was devastated that he could not be their guy, so I took him to a local ice cream place called Jay Gee's. I have never been there and was pleasantly surprised to find very fun flavors.

I am not a big ice cream fan, so exotic flavors are what entice me to try the cold stuff. I am a big fan of red bean ice cream, sweet corn ice cream, rock melon ice cream. So today I had to try Guinness! Beer and ice cream. A great concept, but I am still not convinced that it is the best combination. I followed that taste up with something called Easter Basket. Now this was up my alley. Pink ice cream with Cadbury eggs, Peeps (marshmallow bunnies coated in sugar) and miniature marshmallows. I have to say, it brought me to my childhood happy place.

So, my wish for you is to find a crazy ice cream flavor and see if it helps you to get to the happy place. Here is a great song by Rascal Flatts to help!

Day 30: The Zoo of Life

2011-04-07T17:54:00.006-04:00

Sometimes life feels like a zoo here in my little world. With all the rushing around, animal tactics of fighting that go one with my cubs, it is sometimes hard to see peace and tranquility. However, there are always little moments of joy that are intersperced with all of the frenzy.

Today's little moments of peace were:
1. Going shopping with my mother and Godmother. It was great to just be and not be climbed on, pulled, interrupted, etc.

2. A few spare moments to move all the junk out of the back of the minivan so that my fab new chair could be placed there for the trip from the store to our garden. (It is so heavy that it is in the car waiting for my husband to come home!)

3. Hearing my son sing "A weem-oh-way, a weem-oh-way" on the way home unprompted

4. A few sips of Fresca at lunch. Fresca is my favorite soda in the world. When I lived in D.C. one of my friends at work called it Erika's drink. :)

Here's a little diddy to remind you of the calm in the zoo. Even animals must sleep at some point!

Day 29: Happiness is a Bulls Eye

2011-04-06T07:24:00.014-04:00

A little mouthful of heaven. Chewy goodness that reminds one of childhood and penny candies. A smile in a wrapper. These are all phrases that describe the euphoria that washes over me when I have a bulls eye, or caramel creme as they are often called. As a child, I would save my pennies to buy these at the corner store.

During my teenage years, when I was a grocery store clerk, I have very fond memories of working Friday night or Saturday night and being a bit bored because the stocking was complete for the night and we had to break down the shelves. Now for the uninitiated breaking down means making all the shelves look pretty with plenty of product moved to the edge in a uniform fashion to fool the shopper into thinking there is more and to make sure they purchase the pretty labels. Anyway, during those nights a bag of bulls eyes were always found to be damaged. Since the market would send the damaged wrapper back, the inside product had to be eaten because it would have been thrown in the trash, which is just wasteful.

Looking back, I see the immorality of damaging so many bags of these little gooey goodnesses, but at the time, I did not understand what we grocery folk did was actually wrong. We rationalized that no one lost money on the deal because it was damaged the wrapper was being sent back.

Today, my son and I found a giant bag of these candies. I never buy them and felt propelled to recklessly place down the $1.99 that would liberate the bag from the store and into the trunk of my car. Before the bag could be put into the car, however, a few little bundles of joy were enthusiastically calling my name and my son's name. It would have been rude to ignore them, so of course we had to nibble on them.

I had a wretched morning. Kids pretending to be sick to the point that we were late getting out the door. A son who was yelling at everyone because he forgot his shoes in the car (he wore boots yesterday). Crabby little moi. And just plain aggravation. Luckily, the annoyance wore off and by the time I picked up my son up from pre-school, I was already well on the way to a better mood. The caramel cremes just ensured that the smile stayed on my lips for the rest of the afternoon. Oh, happy, happy, joy, joy.

This Rick Astley song sums up how I feel about caramel cremes! -and dates me.

Day 28: The Cabbage Patch

2011-04-05T07:11:00.018-04:00

A few weeks ago, my mother called me quite excited. She had found my old Cabbage Patch clothes at the bottom of an old trunk. Now, I have not played with these dolls in well, at least 25 years. I was shocked. She was so excited and has been asking me ever since to look through my things in my attic and/or basement because she could not find the dolls.

I have to admit, looking for the dolls was not the first thing that popped into my head. Rather, the first thing that popped into my head was the Cabbage Patch song. I really have no idea where that came from other than the fact that it was there.

So with the dance moves remastered, I kind of forgot...okay, I admit it, I totally forgot about looking for the dolls. Then this past weekend, when I cleaned out the armoire in the basement, I found a girl doll, a baby doll and a Koosa. I brought them upstairs and put them on the kitchen table while I was getting a drink. With my back turned, my girls absconded with the dolls before I even realized that they were missing. You would have thought that they hit the lottery! They have been dressing and undressing them from the diapers and clothes that they were wearing. Then today, my mother gave them some of the clothes she had found from all those years ago. I promptly dressed the baby in the ridiculous sweater outfit on the picture above.

The best part of this find is that I have been reminiscing with ... err...about my Koosa, Fritz. I loved this little cat and I have to admit, based on the tag on him, I was eleven when I received this cat. I think I must have secretly played with him, because that would have put me in sixth grade. Actually, that was the last year that we played with Cabbage Patches. We were the last of a very innocent time. We still played with dolls until we were in sixth grade! Imagine that. And I know that I was not the only one as I sit here in my spinny desk chair and think about it.

Fritz was named after my favorite waiter at my favorite restaurant, Ellie's, in Lawrence, Massachusetts. It was a Middle Eastern restaurant where I was first introduced to Baba Ganouj, Tabbouleh, Kibbee, Kofta, etc. Those formative restauranting years have given me a lifelong loving of Lebanese food and food from the Middle East in general.

Here is a classic song from 1983, the birth year of Fritz, my beloved Koosa.

Day 27: Have wheels, will travel

2011-04-04T18:21:00.009-04:00

Today was a happy day indeed, even through the downpours. My wheels were restored. Yes, indeed, the mom-mobile is back working and so far (knock on wood) no more engine problems. Let's hope that Honda has fixed the problem and not given it a band aid. By the way, that picture of our kids was taken in a taxi in Paris, but it was also a squishy ride!

It's funny, I was very excited to drive the other car, but it is just so squishy with all three kids. I actually breathed a sigh of relief when the girls climbed into the car after school today. There were no fights, or even one errant slap today. Peace has been restored to the drive. Ahhhh... this sure warrants a sigh the size of the lovely island of Ireland.

Now I am excited to have three rows of passenger seats. The DVD was a nice distraction on a longish drive this afternoon in the slllooowwww traffic on the highway. The kids no longer sound like they are screaming in my ear. And...the best part... we have 17 cup holders again. One can never have too many cup holders. I wonder if anyone has ever used all 17 cup holders at once. I wonder why a Honda designer decided to put them all in. Also, in the same vein, does anyone actually use the lazy Susan storage device in the floor? We are always afraid that we would forget things in there until the day we sell our vehicle. It is just much easier to deal with the other thousands of feet of secret storage.

Here's a song to celebrate the return of the mom-mobile.

Day 26: Art or Graffiti?

2011-04-03T15:27:00.012-04:00

Is this art or graffiti? Funny, when I first looked at this earlier today, I groaned. See that little bit of wall art has been there on the wall of the staircase for well over three years. My little Picassos drew those lines years ago. That was the fifth time. Hours of Magic Eraser did not leave the space permanently clean. I decided three years ago to leave the red crayon because I knew that if I removed it again, it would reappear in days.

See this scribble really wasn't graffiti, even if it was a tagging of sorts. My son had just decided to pretty up the walls and the result of his work was what is in this picture. I can totally relate. I am not a fan of the wallpaper. Actually, if there were not really high ceilings over the staircase, the paper would have been removed six years ago when we bought the house. I was afraid to climb a ladder on the staircase, even those ones made for such jobs. So, we are just living with this paper until we get around to hiring someone. At this pace, it will still be up for another six years.

The crayon adds a bit of a spark, doesn't it? You can contemplate what the artist intended the strokes to be. It could be a ball of yarn, a firework or even a fireman rescuing a cat from a twenty foot tree while balancing on top of an elephant. You just need to use your imagination.

Today, was a day of being stuck in the house. My husband ran a 1/2 marathon and I decided to stay behind, because we were not sure how our son would do with a long drive squished in the small back seat of his car. (My mom-mobile is still at the dealership. I'll be lucky to get it tomorrow.) So, the kids and I stayed home. We watched cartoons. We made a photo book online from our trip to Paris and Germany for Christmas - my husband is from Germany, so it was a trip home with a layover. Not as exotic as it sounds actually.

Anyway, after cleaning out the guest closet, I was putting away some glasses and found a bit of a Magic Eraser. By the way, in case you care: The guest closet is one of those metal bar things with a covering that we haul up to the guest room -err playroom- and down to the basement for the rest of the year. My sister-in-law is visiting us for Easter from Munich and I am pretty sure that she does not want any errant toys playing with her shoes and clothes.

Back to the Magic Eraser bit, I found this shriveled up little half bit of it and decided to finally erase the red crayon. Our youngest is 5. Way past the age of wall decorating. After dousing it in cool water from the faucet, I gently, yet firmly, rubbed away the years old decoration. It is sad to see it somewhat gone -the eraser disappeared before I finished the job. There is still quite a bit left and I am seriously thinking of leaving a four inch by four inch square to remember the joyful look on my son's face when he completed the art work. I remember that I was not angry or annoyed when he did it. I had remembered decorating my parent's wallpaper at that time in my life. My parents were not so excited about my artistic expression. I, however, found it intriguing and was not running to lose it.

Here's a little firework inspired song. (Love that Katy Perry!)

Day 25: Car 1 down, Car 2 down...

2011-04-02T15:55:00.014-04:00

Like my new ride? Yesterday as I was driving home from the school pick-up, the lovely, inviting engine malfunction indicator popped on in the Honda Odyssey. I was slightly aggravated, but figured I had nothing left to do, but hop on the highway and drive home. Once in our driveway, I took out the manual and read what said light indicator meant.

Have you ever actually looked at your car's manual? Who writes these things? Could they make them a little more fun? Maybe a few colors and a new font? Thicker paper perhaps? Anyway, after consulting the contents list at the end of the book, either page 68 or 728 were listed. I decided to try page 68 first. Once there, the reader is immediately directed to page 728. Here is my question: Why even bother listing that it is on page 68 if there is NO information on that page? It seems like it would save ink to just eliminate the intermediary step.

So, once on the correct page, I learned that either my gas cap was loose and to tighten it and wait up to three days for the light to disappear OR my engine was about to combust and needed immediate attention. Really? There is nothing else that could be the problem? I called the dealership and preemptively told the man on the phone, that I had already checked the gas cap and that was tight. He advised me to get it in to be checked and to not drive too much. After discussing the over idling and difficulty driving, we decided to have the car brought in this morning to have it looked at.

This is when we realized that car 2 was also in dire straights so to say. We have three kids. All still need to ride in the back seat in booster seats. We have three booster seats. There are three seat belts there in back. The car was running...except one of the seat belt buckle mechanisms was completely missing! I tried to fish it out, but could not even feel it!

So, now we were stuck with one car that was basically inoperable, one with one seat belt too few, and two different locations to be at within one hour. Thankfully, my Godmother lives nearby. She helped me get my son to his appointment while my husband took the girls to German school. After drop off, Benedikt (my husband) took his car to the dealership and they were scratching their heads about how the buckle was wedged so far in. It actually took a few service people to fish it out! Now we have one car that we can all fit into, and the Odyssey is still being diagnosed. We brought the mom-mobile in about two hours ago. They told me that I was so lucky because they were so slow, they were bored. Yet, they close in 30 minutes and I still do not know the outcome of the diagnostics. Hopefully, the phone will ring with good news soon.

On the bright side, we now know how to refish the belt buckle out of the trunk should that ever happen again. I also was able to spend some quality time with my Godmother and I found the perfect clock for the kitchen to replace our old, banged up barely functioning one.

I absolutely love it! I was worried about the aquamarine against the orange walls, but it is totally fab. And as an added bonus, the hour and minute hands are a fork and knife! How cool is that? My old clock is sitting on the dining room table looking forlorn. You served us well old friend, but the multiple bruises from the multiple moves over the last 10 years have rendered you breaking. We will miss you, dear friend.

As you can imagine, a little pick-me-up was needed this morning while I was waiting for my Godmother to pick us up. This song flashed through my head. It is a song that the Wheatones, one of the a cappella groups at my alma mater, Wheaton College, sang at every show when I was a young college student. Hopefully, it helps you get to a happy place the next time you are having car problems too!

Day 24: Mother Nature Plays an April Fool's Joke!

2011-04-01T18:56:00.011-04:00

Today is April 1, 2011. In an ideal world, we would be smack dab in the beginning of a wonderful Spring after our harsh winter here in New England. Instead, in some cruel twist of irony, we are starting out our month, not with April showers that will bring May flowers. So I wonder what does April snow bring? Mother Nature is sure a jokester!

On the one hand the snow, is actually a really pretty covering and since only crocuses have bloomed thus far, the covering makes everything look neater. On the other hand, it is Spring! C'mon!

Today, my kids had a two hour delay and for some reason only a handful of families at the school received the automated call this morning. So while we were all cozy and enjoying "Yogi Bear," many families were waiting outside of the closed school trying to get in! Finally, the principal informed them about the delay and sent them on their merry way.

At a birthday party this afternoon, we were discussing the communication flub this morning. Then somehow, the conversation transitioned to this happiness project, or rather I told my friends that I have been trying to just be happy this Lent and that it seemed to be working. This was said as one was lamenting that she gave up bread and the other was lamenting about something else given up. I told them that I decided to add to the world this year. To my surprise, my friends - these are friends who did not know that I was doing this project - were excited about my crazy idea. I hope that they find their own ways to increase their happiness. It is really a win-win situation. You feel better and other people want to hang out with you. :) So, I have sent them the link to this blog and hope that they find their way here.

Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra sing this wonderful tune about this kind of weather. Hope it brings a smile to your face too.

Day 23: Everyone needs a little bit of art!

2011-03-31T19:08:00.023-04:00

Today was a tiring, but such an enjoyable day. I was given two free passes by BzzAgent to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston and asked a very good friend from college to join me.

We met early in the morning at her apartment in Cambridge and then drove over to the museum. The Museum had been under construction and the new wing has been open for a few months, so we were excited to explore the new wing and look at some old favorites - I was particularly excited to check out their collection from Generation 27 (more later).

The architecture of the new building was great and we had a blast picking which pieces of art to listen to on the iPod that the desk lent to us. It was great to revisit old favorites and discover some really cool new art.

I am a contemporary art and handicraft person, so I really enjoyed seeing all the pieces that were being shown in those areas. I did not realize that museum has such an extensive Alexander Calder collection and it was great to find my beloved Picassos and Mondrians from the older collections.

My friend and I had a chance catching up on the last few weeks and it was so great to get out of my life for a few hours. Even though we were in the museum less than four hours, it felt like a weekend getaway for me. It was time to take in art, relax, walk around and hang out with an amazing friend.

As I drove home later, I could not help but thank whatever force compelled me to do this happiness project. I think if we had done this trip even a month ago, I would have been too busy worrying about the time on the clock. I would not have taken the time to look at some pieces in depth, and some in passing. I would not have had such a great time. They say that it takes one 21 days to learn a new habit. I think that I am learning step one of many new habits in my 40 day project.

The rest of the day after I left this friend is such a blur - thus my tiredness. Two pick ups ensued, followed by a play date with six children! The parents all stayed so it was a nice time to chat over some delightful pastry from Flour, my fav bakery in Boston. I have lots of leftovers, so tomorrow's breakfast is starting to look interesting! And now, my cherubs are in bed, with their nightly shananigans. I am trying to ignore them and concentrate, but their little voices are startling my words right out of the grey matter.

When I was at UCLA, I specialized in Spanish literature. Being a Penninsularist, I concentrated on the Generation of 27. This generation was composed of great artists from the 1920s who left an indelible mark on the international arts scene: Salvador Dalí, Pablo Picasso, Louis Buñuel, to name a few. The research I did in those years, bolstered my love for the works of the great masters who all lived and worked together in Madrid and later Paris. They paved the way for all of our great contemporary artists and put Spain's art scene back on the map. Of course, Franco tried to squash their great works, but nearby Paris offered a haven for them and ensured that many generations would know their work.

Salvador Dalí is one of my favorite artists. Here is a great tribute to the genius that graced us with his fantastic works of art and literature.

And here is the classic "Un Chein Andalou" by Louis Buñuel on which he collaborated with Salvador Dalí:

Day 22: Little Doves of Corn

2011-03-30T20:07:00.010-04:00

Palomitas de maíz...little doves of corn. For some reason, popcorn sounds so much more romantic in Spanish. It is one of many words that I prefer in Spanish. The list is long, but though I love palomitas de maíz, mariposa (butterfly) is still my favorite word - but I digress. Palomitas de maíz, just the word, brings me to a tranquil plain. Today, my son and I finished off lunch with a small bowl of the warm, fluffy stuff. It was a small bowl, but the crunchy texture was heavenly.

Today has been a day of happiness and tranquility. The major clean up of the first floor is complete. I do admit that there are cabinets to clean out, but all the surfaces are deep cleaned and in addition to the playroom, we have reclaimed the kitchen, the dining room, the hallway, and the living room. Even the staircase leading upstairs is devoid of clutter. We usually put things on steps to be brought up later and then sometimes the things stay there too long. Funny how that happens.

Nothing extraordinary happened today, but in a way that was extraordinary. The children did not fight for the first time in months. My son was content all day and did not have even one meltdown. They picked out their own Converse at the Converse Company Store (we live near the global headquarters). I even told them how my grandmother was a stitcher for the lovely shoes years ago. My innocent little son asked me, "Was Nana real?" That question really gave me pause. Of course she was real, but how could I explain that to him. He had never seen her. He is a very visual kid, he needs to see to believe. Unfortunately, I did not have a good answer.

After the shoe purchase, we went to a great bakery and bought the kids some Easter cookies, then home for homework, gymnastics for the girls, dinner with Grammie, and bedtime.

Today was a great day. I heard birds chirping, felt a warm breeze, ventured out without a coat, and tried not to think about the snow forcasted for Friday. I felt loved and loving toward others. I felt like for once, in a long time, that I was on the right path and that life was a joy. I wanted to tiptoe through the yet to poke through the ground tulips and become one with nature. I hope the feeling lasts...

Day 21: Playdates and New Friends

2011-03-29T19:41:00.010-04:00

Today, a little girl had her first play date. It was like watching her blossom into a big girl like this little crocus that finally bloomed in our garden. It was a little girl in my twins' homeroom. They were invited to her house for pizza, decorating cupcakes and a movie. The mom was nervous, and the little girl was so excited. Her enthusiasm was contagious and reminded me that friends really do make the world more manageable.

I have a special place in my heart for this little one. She may seem overbearing, and completely in your face, but she has a heart that she wears on her sleeve and she will be the one marginalized if she does not learn how to have friends. I say this not to be mean, but as a parent of a child who has social awkwardness, it is something that I have observed and hope she never realizes that road that she is standing at the top of. I think that she will be ok at the end of the day though because she is engaging and fun and funny. I hope she never learns how to lasso her spirit, because her spirit is just what this world needs.

A doctor recently told me that kids in the 1970s were praised for being different. However, in this lovely day and age, society and perhaps, more importantly, the American education system wants children to perform according to certain parameters that render the outcoming child more likely to be the same type of performer as the next. Now, I am not saying that I agree with this prognosis. That is one sad society we are living in if it is true. That said, I can see in this current life of over scheduled children and the need to get your child into Harvard at age 5, what the doctor was saying to me.

I remember, not too long ago -I hope-, when being a kid meant running around the neighborhood with the kids. Parents coordinated their supper times and we were all called in when the next door neighbor boomed her boys' names. I can still hear her now, "James! Joseph! Supper! Now!" I don't think she ever needed to call them twice. The whole gaggle of us came running to our respective doors within seconds. We lived in a small valley and her voice carried to all the nether regions of our neighborhood. We were out there mostly unsupervised, doing a scary thing: playing.

We slayed dragons, climbed trees, rode our bikes down a very, very steep hill without any hands, we hiked the woods, played in a brook, got messy, took potty breaks amongst the trees, saw pictures in the clouds, made secret clubs and kept the secrets. We bought ice cream from the ice cream truck. We took our 25 cents and were able to buy a whole chocolate bar, even if it meant defying our parents and crossing the big, busy main street. We rode our bikes for hours and didn't complain about the hard work: it was our independence. We played flashlight tag until the fireflies came out and not one kid ever found me in my super secret hiding spot on the front lawn of my parents' house (I curled around a tree trunk). We had neighborhood parties. Parents never seemed to worry about us because they knew that the older kids took care of the annoying little kids. Then something happened, maybe it was computers, maybe it was Atari, whatever it was, the kids that came after us, did not have the same great experience. But more than an experience, we had great friends - life's treasure.

As I have been navigating this thing called life, I have at times realized that I tend to be a great friend in the moment, but then life gets in the way (and usually a move across state borders) and slowly those friendships fade to memories. With the dawning of Facebook (the electronic version) I have been happily reacquainted with some of the best people I have had the pleasure of knowing. In a Utopian world, I would be able to take all these wonderful souls that have enriched and that are enriching my life to a special city, where we can have parties and hang out. We can take long meandering walks. We can talk and listen - that is important. We can continue to be a part of each other's lives and we can remember all the great reasons we became friends. I firmly believe that all people that cross our paths are there for a reason. Sometimes for a short period of time and sometimes for our lifetimes.

Here's a song for all my friends. Every, single one of you has meant the world to me in more ways than you can ever know.

Day 20: Half way through happiness project

2011-03-28T07:22:00.024-04:00

Though spring has sprung, the temperatures in this neck of the woods have been not cooperating. It would be great to tiptoe amongst the tulips, breathing in the fragrant air. Unfortunately, that is not to be for this week it seems. Today, whilst at the market, I spied some beautiful bunches of daffodils. Normally, I would only buy tulips at this time of year, but the fragile blossoms of this sunny flower were just the pick-me-up that I needed today. So, into my basket this bunch of flowers went and onto our kitchen counter.

It is funny how such a small thing as a bunch of flowers can bring a smile to one's lips and a spark to the eye. These little yellow blossoms are reminding me of the renewal I have been looking for these past few weeks. Twenty days ago when I began to think about writing again and, more importantly, relaunching my blog, I was looking for a renewal. I had no idea where the journey would take me.

All that was known back then (it seems so long ago for some reason):
1. A renewal was needed
2. Stress management was non-existent
3. Our family was hectic
4. My creative self was smothered and thought lost

These few weeks have shown me that life is not so serious. I may not necessarily be back to my LA laid back ways, but I am heading in that direction. I've learned that I have no control over life. I can perhaps influence seemingly mundane things, but in the big picture so many balls have already been set in motion that I need to brave this journey as an active participant, but one that can't micromanage every turn and ebb.

This is important because I have started to enjoy my life again. There are still moments of complete insanity that can only come from having twins plus one so closely together. I am still getting my arms around this sibling thing. Being an only child, I imagined that having siblings was the best thing in the entire world: built in buddies, a shoulder to cry on, someone to always have your back, best friends. Instead, what I am finding to be true is that: there is a fierce love, but many, many fights are a normal occurrence. There will be hair pulling, pushing, screaming, love and hugs. One moment they share toys and snacks, the next they are squirreling them away. Through it all, friends have assured me this is normal. Yesterday this sibling fighting was brought to new heights when one identical twin said to the other identical twin in a fit of anger, "You are ugly!" I was so stunned. First of all that was a silly thing to say because her twin looks exactly like her. Then when I tried to explain to her the logical fallacy of her comment, she just looked at me like I was dumb.

Bringing me to the next thing I have learned about my life. My kids often think I am dumb. I have to understand, they do not mean it. They are little. Parents are sometimes dumb. I just hope when they are grown up they won't think so any longer.

I have also learned that I am not at fault for my son's Aspergers - a common occurrence to which many parents succumb. He is a wonderfully caring boy with a large heart. He is so smart and such a little charmer. It has been stressful learning how to deal with his outbursts, both verbal and physical. I realized something since I have been trying to be calmer: He is too! This is a win-win situation. Which is wonderful, because I am not afraid that he will hurt me any more. I am stronger to deal with ignorant people's comments about my little angel. Most importantly, we as a family are a stronger, more united unit.

This journey started with a simple task: record a bit of happiness that I tried to harness each day. One way I have been continually doing this is by cleaning up our house bit by bit. Our house is clean. The problem has been the clutter. One may ask how can it be clean and cluttered? Trust me, it is deep cleaned every week, then three little cyclones leave debris in their wakes daily. My husband and I have spent countless hours purging and rearranging. We are still not finished, but I am starting to see a shape to the rooms again. And we have gained a room in the process. The once overflowing playroom is now a Zen masterpiece. The kids actually want to hang out there again and I can sit with them. Quite a feat!

So, though I still have another twenty days to go on this project, I am starting to feel the renewal and even, a revival of my spirit. So far, I think this is a fabulous project and I can't wait to see where the rest of this journey takes me both physically and emotionally.

For the past few minutes, I have been letting my mind wander to my favorite piece by Antonio Vivaldi. Hope you enjoy it too!

Day 19: Broken Glass

2011-03-27T14:58:00.008-04:00

As I was relaxing for the first time all day after a hard few hours cleaning out our kids' playroom and our son's bedroom and thinking about the treasure trove of information I had to use for today's post. I heard a bone-chilling, smashing of glass. I rushed to the kitchen to find one of my favorite (and few) glasses on the floor in many chunky pieces. The aftermath is pictured above on the right side of the picture. The left side is one of the three remaining Swiss Cafe glasses from the Williams-Sonoma collection of 2009. They no longer make this pattern. I love these glasses because they are made of thick glass and take a lot of beating. They are not indestructible, however, and three have become victims to our tile flooring.

I was planning on discussing the wonderfully therapeutic outcome of deep cleaning our playroom. We removed all furniture and toys and rearranged to a new Zen perfection. I was going to elaborate about how I was so excited to have been able to rest for a few minutes on the futon (in sofa position) in the room for the first time in years. As great a project as that was, the tinkling glass gave me pause. It made me realize that like life relationships, sometimes they pass without a blink of an eye.

See, I really treasured that glass. I lovingly washed it. I enjoyed every drink I ever had from it. I took great care putting it away. In a sense, I did everything I could to protect it. It was taken from me, much too early. How did this come to pass? One of the twins was just trying to fill her Barbie pool. After a brief moment of panic about glass shards. I calmly vacuumed the small bits and put the large ones into a box. Then I quietly filled the pool using the tea kettle with nice cold water from the faucet.

So even though, I am sad to lose my favorite glass, at least we still have three more. Perhaps I will find more at a yard sale or even on Ebay. If not, I will have to look for a suitable replacement and maybe, just maybe, that glass will be the new best glass ever.

This song was playing on the radio as we were driving to church this morning... It is the antithesis of happy, but I felt compelled to include it here.

Day 18: Saturday, the Ferris Wheel

2011-03-26T16:36:00.010-04:00

As I have been carting family members all around today, it hit me that my mileage is a moot point, because really, all I am doing in moving through the motions of life's Ferris wheel. Even though I was technically collecting miles as the day progressed, I never did anything that is not part of the hectic routine of our Saturdays during the school year. Causing me to think of a hamster running around in a wheel or a person being caught on a Ferris wheel that never stops, just slows down to let more people on.

It's funny, for most people, the weekend is a time to relax, rejuvenate and recharge. For us, it is a time to run faster, fall harder and spin our wheels more frantically. We don't have a usual weekend in that our three children are enrolled in Saturday school for German and, thus, they must be up early and at school ready to continue their learning for the week. For us, it is a time to make multiple trips between appointments and getting children to classes for staggered times. Finding a moment to grab a cup of java (or orange juice in my case this morning) is a special and rare treat.

I guess that I will just need to take in the view from the top of the Ferris Wheel. Too bad the entire ride isn't as much fun as the London Eye. Still, I would rather be on this crazy ride with my family, than anywhere else in the world. And perhaps that is the best lesson from this crazy day.

Here is a great band called the Judybats. I really wanted to share "Being Simple," but could not get it to link, so here is "Our Story" instead:

Day 17: Saffron Dreams and The Cure

2011-03-25T17:24:00.009-04:00

Funny how one misunderstanding can cause a day of aggravation. The worst part is this disagreement happened between the love of my life and me. I wanted to get past it, but my sniffy Cancer self, was determined to be moody and crabby for the entire day. Instead, I was in a cantankerous mood, with no way to be consoled. Wanting to run away and officially call a strike from my life.

At the cafe where other parents and I grab a latte and sometimes a snack or breakfast, I did not want to sit with friends. I was content to sit and stew over my non-fat latte while thumbing through a European travel magazine. Instead of being inspired about the places I could visit or reminiscing about those places I have been, all I could do was complain to myself about how I would never again have fun traveling and that I will never be stress-free again.

When another friend joined me without asking, instead of being glad to have some company, all I could think was, "Great now, I have to chit chat." Chit chatting was the last thing on my mind at that moment. I wanted more time to wallow in my misery and be the black cloud in the corner of the room. Then 10 o'clock chimed and said friend and I had to make our way to our dance class. Going to dance class was about as exciting for me as cleaning the floor with a toothbrush. Luckily, with all the leaping and chasseing, my mood lifted.

By the time I left the studio and walked next door to the gym, I was even feeling a spring in my step. I confidently walked into the gym, and went and took a shower. It felt a little wrong, exercising next door and then using the gym for a shower, but I pay enough each month to subside this Catholic guilt. A little more buoyed, but still floating in a sea of discontent, I picked up my son and brought him to his play group.

I sat in the waiting room willing the floor to open up and take me in it. I guess the new bounce was a bit short lived. Finally, after about 45 minutes, I realized that I was hungry. Made sense, I had done serious exercise for an hour and then barely refueled. After a stop at the local Starbucks, my mood improved immensely and I was ready to return to the business of my life - which would include cooking in the very near future.

It is funny how cooking has always been a safe place for me since I was young. I remember experimenting with the cooking as a kid. I would pour over cookbooks and find new recipes that my mother never intended for me to cook with the ingredients on hand. Mostly, the results were ok. Sometimes great. And on a few occasions, inedible. Now, the misses are fewer and further between, but the experimentation is one of my favorite things. I like the artistic quality of turning earth grown materials into an edible masterpiece.

Tonight, I was set on making Garbanzo Stew, a meal I ate often when I lived in Córdoba, Spain. I decided to ditch any recipes and just cooked from my heart. My twin girls were excited to help me. They peeled potatoes, snipped green beans and were just a joy to have around. As I was looking at the bubbling goodness in the pot, I suddenly remembered seeing a picture of an older woman picking saffron and gently placing each piece in a special basket. I opened my spice drawer and found I still had some. So I lovingly crumbled a bit and let it all float into the simmering stew in a wisp of saffron dreams.

See, saffron dreams are more important that Champagne dreams. Champagne dreams are those that are luxurious and sometimes not attainable. Saffron dreams are those that are fragile and are the ones that you have to work extremely hard for. They are the dreams that people tell you will never materialize, but how wrong they are. Because saffron dreams always come true. They are led by your heart and are your destiny. They are the love that surrounds you and the warm hugs that envelope you. They are your significant other and your children. They are angels in the sidelines and they are you.

So, I hope you find your saffron dreams. Here is a little song to get you in the mood to think of yours. This is a bit obvious, this is one of my all time favorite bands, singing one of my all time favorite songs. Hey, it's Friday...and yes, I am in love.

Day 16: Stillness - A Time To Give Thanks

2011-03-24T13:44:00.007-04:00

From time to time, when there is a moment of stillness, I realize that it is a great time to give thanks. Where to start? It seems like in the business of living, the polite necessities of my youth are tossed aside. Where does one find the time to write a simple thank you. Funny how modern technology is managing to make us into robots permanently attached to a high tech piece of equipment that is making our lives easier. But is it? The US postal service is worried about extinction because every day people just do not pick up a piece of paper and write a letter to friends and family members. For that there is email, facebook, and texting. Why reach out and touch somebody with your voice? Why waste a trip to the post office to mail a heart felt letter?

With a to do list that rivals the best of them, I finally sat down to write thank you notes from my son to his preschool friends for their birthday gifts. As I sat at the table, know what ran through my mind? "Emily Post would be happy, I am doing this within a month." I was not relieved that I had finally found the time to say thank you for such generous gifts. I was not happy that I was personally writing each card with a personal note. I was just happy that Emily Post's rules for etiquette were being followed.

I am not sure what that says about me. As the last card in the stack loomed closer to the light of day though, I started to think about how we just don't say thank you enough in this crazy life. What a better world we could have if we just look the cashier in the eye and really say thank you? What about that friend that is struggling behind closed doors? Perhaps your thank you would make all the difference. What about the guy (or gal) that pumps your gas. Do you really say thank you? What about the waitress that brings your refill without being asked? What about your family? How many times do you take the time to say thank you for all that they do without even being asked.

So, here is my second to do generated by this project: write a letter to a long lost friend and mail it!

Here is a little song by Dido to get you in the mood to say thank you.

Day 15: The Garbanzo Effect

2011-03-23T18:42:00.005-04:00

Today, like yesterday, was a day completely out of my control. I drove over 60 miles today and went basically between our house and the kids' school, which is housed in two different buildings a few blocks away from each other. Did I mention that was over the course of three round trips? As well as a quick run to my parents' house. And here I have been wondering if someone has been syphoning off petrol!

How easy it is for one to be caught off guard from one's plans and feel the happiness drain off, while stress replaces the lost emotions. I tried to be upbeat today and was excited to spend time with one daughter, nursing her back to health. There were originally other plans for the morning that were tossed aside for this new plan, but I was actually not even phased or stressed.

The hard part started when I had to figure out how to fit all this in: soaking dry garbanzo beans, two school drop offs, a market run, a doctor's visit, a pharmacy run, a drop off for a grandparent, a pick up of first well child, a lunch, a donation to Salvation Army, a return and purchase at Target, a pick up of second well child, a pick up of sick child from Grammie's house, cooking garbanzo beans for 1 1/2 hours-2 hours, making dinner from scratch, making kids' dinner (they would never eat the Korma I planned on making for the adults), time for a blog, homework, bedtime routine and finally relaxing for the first time today.

Throughout the day, the only thing that made me smile was the thought of my 75 cent packet of dry garbanzo beans becoming two meals: Korma tonight and Garbanzo stew tomorrow night. Garbanzo beans are one of my favorite foods. I love their versatility and the fact that they are such humble little morsels that are so earthy and just delish.

While I was chopping the vegetables (see a trend here), I started to remember happy snippets from my time in Córdoba, Spain. The land of the Andaluz, through which the once mighty Guadalquivir was a mecca for industry of the region. A place that was once the seat of power for the Muslims. A city where there is a lovely Mezquita (Mosque) that survived thanks to the foresight of a Catholic priest. Where the lovely keyhole arches are juxtaposed next to the oxymoronic Catholic cathedral. A city of intricacies and a city of life. A city that is intoxicating in its history, its people, and its joie de vivre. A place that is dear to my heart.

With all of these memories running amok in my mind, the beautiful guitar driven songs from the Gipsy Kings started to play in my subconscious, reminding me of the nights in the discos. A time in my life when I was free from responsibility, free from major worries, free to enjoy life and free to live life. All this from a little bean that upon arrival in my house was just a dried, little thing. Now, I am a believer in the Garbanzo Effect - a life lesson learned on my own as I navigate these 40 days.

Day 14: New Pathways?

2011-03-22T15:44:00.007-04:00

Remember when life's toughest decision was what to make for your art project? Today, while the poem "Two Roads" by Robert Frost has been stuck in my head, I fashioned this art project to help focus my thoughts. Funny how a car emerged...and fitting in a way.

Perhaps the poem is so prominent because since Sunday, I have had two sort of, kind of, in a way, job offers. Both are from former colleagues and both will probably not materialize into anything more than good wishes. But for one moment, my heart did a pitter patter as I thought about doing something outside the house that is meaningful and exciting.

Moreover, I feel as though I am standing at a crossroads, with many new pathways before me. Using the poem as a meditation piece, I have been trying to figure out if I can figure out the future, or if suddenly my destiny will direct the way. Here is the rendition from YouTube that can be used as a meditation piece:

I have no answers for my future right now, but I am focusing on the present and hoping to figure out the best thing for our family, and for myself. Suddenly, I feel as though I am part of an exciting (well, more exciting) life. I may not be traveling the world at a whim anymore, but I am helping to shape our future via my children and keep finding interesting projects to work on for this time in my life. I have decided to look for a volunteer opportunity between now and the end of the 40 days of this project. I want to pay it forward and see what karma brings.

Too many days, I feel overwhelmed with the highway of life, this song helps me to embrace the journey.

Day 13: Chopped

2011-03-21T16:16:00.011-04:00

A funny thing happened on the way to a jubilant morning: three sour kids. When one was whining, they were all whining. By 8 am, my morning included:

1 piss poor attitude
2 doors slammed in my face
3 whining kids
4 sassy responses
5 pouty looks
6 stomping feet

Needless to say, this project was thrown out the window. To top off things, I managed to back over our garbage container leaving it stranded in the middle of our busy street. To be honest, I drove away with steam coming out of my ears and the gauge for the gas on EMPTY. I drove about a mile, when sanity returned and I realized that a. it was not nice to leave our squashed garbage can in the middle of the street and b. I was acting like a teenager.

So, I did a three point turn and returned to the scene of my crime against our household trash. After righting the wrongs of the first part of the morning, I proceeded to play my favorite bad day song:

Daniel Powter worked his magic, and even though I can't get away on a "blue sky holiday," I realized what I needed to return to equilibrium: cooking.

For some reason, cooking is cathartic for me. The mere motion of chopping brings me to a happy place. Usually this happens with a bunch of parsley or cilantro, but today the same effect was felt with peppers and onions. I had decided to make a twist on the Sicilian cacciatore with caramelized onions. The resulting concoction is the photo above. So right now, the delicious scent of fresh herbs, vegetables and turkey is doing its magic in the saute pan. My grandfather, Gogo, must be smiling down on me tonight (his family was from Sicily). Gogo this dinner is in your honor!

My husband sings this song to me all the time. It is silly and just the right thing for my culinary journey tonight.

Day 12: Roller Skating!

2011-03-19T14:42:00.004-04:00

Today's foray into the happy field was facilitated by the birthday party for the son of a dear friend. We have not seen much of each other in the past few years, but nonetheless, we are able to pick up where we last left off and have reconnected. Not only have I reconnected with this friend, but another friend too. The three of us for some time were like the three Musketeers and were always together getting into some sort of adventure or another. It feels nice to be home for the first time in a while. I missed the trio something fierce and did not realize how much until today.

After the first half of the party, we did something for the second half of the party that I have not done for over 20 years: Rollerskating. The roller rink had two options for rentals: roller blades or old school skates. Being a retro kind of girl, and having not laced up proper skates for so long (20+ years) I decided to go old school. It was funny, I did not remember roller skating being such hard work. I managed to try and teach the twins for a few spins around the rink and we had a ball doing the "Hokey Pokey."

Hope you are finding little things to make you smile and remember that there is a silver lining in every cloud.

Day 11: The Power of Wonder Woman

2011-03-19T07:44:00.006-04:00

Today started out on a very sad note. My cousin's funeral was held this morning and it was a very small funeral, which made me sad. To think that after 79 years of life, only six people other than the immediate family attended. Of course, most of the relatives have passed, but still...

After a lovely, yet solitary ceremony officiated by the priest and two Naval officers, we dispersed. The widow was too overwhelmed to face a mercy meal, so we were all on our own. I did not feel like coming home to an empty house, so I did something I do not usually do: shopping at the mall.

Tonight we have a soiree and I was after a nice, new tube of MAC lipstick. When I walked in, my childhood heroine was standing before me: Wonder Woman. My heart did a pitter patter.

Funny how a tube of lipstick and a palette of eyeshadow with her likeness brought me back to a safe time in my life when the worst decision was to wear red sneakers or black patten leather shoes. A time when there was no responsibility outside of learning to color in the lines and reading chapter books.

Today, started out sad, but is looking up. Thanks to the woman of heroic deeds and her new MAC line. The sun just broke through the clouds as I am typing as if a higher being is agreeing that I need to appreciate the little things. And today that is my goal. To appreciate the little things.

Today's little things are:
-seeing pictures in the clouds with my five year old
-taking the time to chat with another mom about life
-fitting a teeny tiny baby toy into a toy car
-the wonder of my girls seeing me in full makeup for the first time in their lives and wanting a little lippy too
-Whole Foods trail mix bar...I admit it, I am addicted
-trying on fun shoes for the heck of it :)
-putting on a comfy dress to hang around the house
-seeing my husband's eyes light up when he saw my face all made up <3
-The power of Wonder Woman: makeup for our grown up night out

Hope Wonder Woman inspires you today too!

Day 10: Rhythm

2011-03-18T16:37:00.008-04:00

What a beautiful, warm Spring-like day that was bestowed on Northern Massachusetts today. There is spring fever in the air and I think I may have caught it. I just hope that the snow forcasted for Tuesday is a cruel joke.

Today's exercise for the search for happiness was just that exercise: adult jazz class. Okay, I have to be honest, the idea of jumping around in a dance studio with a bunch of (in my mind) super fit mommies in front of an unforgiving wall of mirrors is not exactly my idea of a fun time. I actually had to psyche myself up for today's outing and am so glad that I did.

From the tender age of three until about nine, I actually took dance. I was enrolled in tap, ballet and jazz. Jazz and tap were always my two favorites and when I left dance for figure skating, jazz was the one that I missed the most. There was something fun about doing chasses and leaps across the dance studio with jazz fingers making everything all so much fun.

Thankfully when I entered the studio with two friends, there were only two extremely fit mommies. The others seemed to just be there for the fun of it. Relaxing, the excitement of being back in a studio, not just as a dance mom, but as a student was exhilarating. Though I chuckled when they asked my age. Would they kick me out because I was not 40 yet? - I am definitely the youngest of the group.

We did so many wonderful stretching and yoga poses and my body felt excited to be doing more than a walk or a jog. It was funny, all my years of dance, skating and karate seemed to be in memory somewhere and I felt at home. An adult dance class with a friend or two is definitely recommended, but just remember, "What happens in the dance studio, stays in the dance studio." And hopefully, the pronouncement that I will be in agony tomorrow will be wrong.

Seeing that it is a gloriously sunny day, some vintage Katrina & the Waves seems appropriate.

Day 9: When Irish Eyes Are Smiling...

2011-03-17T16:58:00.005-04:00

Though I have not even .0001% of Celtic blood coursing through my veins, St. Patrick's day has always been a wonderful, smile inducing, mirthful day for me. I have always proudly worn my green in support of all of my Irish friends. I have had more than my share of green beer in far flung reaches of the earth. And I have been struck quiet in awe of the Chicago River dyed green in honor of dear old St. Paddy.

Today, as an exercise for my happiness project (and while I was getting the bottle blond removed for the first time in over 20 years at the salon) I was pondering St. Patrick's day and what it means to me as an American woman with no Irish blood.

First, I thought back as far as I could remember for St. Patrick's Day celebrations. A sea of green was the first thing I could remember. It was a memory of all the children in preschool dressed up in the appropriate color for the day. With a smile upon my lips, I also remembered my mother telling me how she always wore orange on St. Patrick's Day because she was not Irish. Funny how just a generation later, we were already enthusiastically embracing this now American holiday.

I remembered "Boiled Dinners" cooked by my grandmother and mother. The sweet smell of the simmering corned beef with the carrots, potatoes and cabbage. Today, I am preparing this dish at the request of my German husband. Being an immigrant, I think he has embraced this fun filled day more so than even I have. Today, I dug out an authentic recipe for corned beef and cabbage and the goodness is simmering away happily on my stove. Perhaps even my picky eaters will try the meal from the land of the Leprauchan?

Drifting around in my mind, I traveled back to the Dubliner Irish bar that we frequented in Washington, DC when I lived there. Such a happy, happy place filled with young professionals and seasoned party-goers alike. I remember being at the bar on St. Patrick's day and a man from Ireland gleefully telling me that today I was Irish in my heart. So for today, I will be Irish in my heart for him. His name is long forgotten, but his glimmering blue eyes and contagious smile will live in my mental picture book forever.

Then my mind drifted to green beer. Green beer and St. Patrick's day go hand in hand. And was always flowing out of every bar in the US back in my college days. I remember the year I lived in Cordoba, Spain and the St. Patrick's day that we decided to have at the local bar. There was no green food coloring on hand, so we convinced our friendly bartender, that Creme de Menthe licquor would do the job just right. I always giggle at the memory of the bunch of us bravely smiling and drinking the concoction trying to pretend that it was just like home.

Then my mind flitted to our time in Dublin. The crazy weekend when on the flight from London to Dublin the gentle and nice man sitting next to me was quite inebriated after drinking the afternoon away in a bar at Heathrow after a few delayed flights. Half way through the flight, he asked me when the bus was going to arrive at the bus station. Then he became frightened and tried to open the window to get out. (At least we were not on the emergency aisle.) Landing was quite uncomfortable because the flight attendant was sitting on my neighbor to keep him in his seat for everyone's safety. The funniest part was that when we recounted this story to the taxi driver, he never missed a beat and said, "That had to be an Irish boy." And it was!

So, next time I am feeling glum, I should just take a stroll down St. Patrick's Day memories. This exercise really made me appreciate the power of St. Patrick and how much fun today is. Here is my favorite Irish band singing one of my favorite songs. Hope you like the Corrs too!

Day 8: Taking Time to Smell Flowers

2011-03-16T18:49:00.009-04:00

Today has been yet another half full glass. So instead of trying to focus on the mundane tasks of raising three small ones, I have tried to see little glimmers of hope throughout the day. Perhaps you can relate? My kids are still small. Two 6 year olds and a 5 year old. Busy defines our life right now as we are trying to grapple with their burgeoning independence and our son's Aspergers. Some days the mountains seem to move out of our way, but others like yesterday and today, the mountains seem to move closer and block our way.

It feels egotistical to ponder my life when the world is literally coming to a standstill and people are suffering all around us in: Japan, Libya, Mexico, Egypt. How dare I even think about myself in such a global climate? The world is so small, perhaps seemingly so, having circumvented the globe more than once. It is a shame that we can't just come together as a people. Not as warring neighbors or allies vs. enemies. And for Japan, I can offer just a ray of hope your way. Hopefully, your nightmare will be over soon.

This is just a small gesture that there is hope for this world:

Back to my plight of filling my glass. Today, I have been having a hard time feeling the happiness effects of a hard first week of working on this project.

So here is a list of things that reminded me to take time to smell the flowers:
- Nutella laced kisses from my little man
- Rocking out in the car to loud music and not caring about the stares at the red light
- Fruit Ninja on my iPod which could seriously rival Angry Birds for addiction level
- Sunny daffodils and twisty tulips on a rainy day
- Cleaning out my sock drawer and finding sweet notes written by the twins last year
- Organizing my computer station so that it is not so crazy
- Hubby home early for the third night in a row (this is an all time record)
- Having my engagement ring cleaned at the jewelers
- Dulce de leche organic frozen yogurt - Stonyfield rocks!
- Finding out someone is actually looking at my blog! Here I was thinking I was writing to the big unknown of cyber-space...

For some reason, this Billy Joel song has been stuck in my head. So I share it with you...

Day 7: Letting the Sun Shine In

2011-03-15T17:59:00.006-04:00

Today has been a see saw type of day. There have been super highs and some real lows. This is to be expected perhaps after seven days of this experiment. To further lift the mood, I have resorted to Italian-American oldies, but goodies and cheesy 70s songs that leave me happier than when they found me.

Today was a beautiful day sunshine wise. When I woke up I thought it was going to be a sunshine day.

The sun was shining. I woke up early without an alarm clock and was really trying to be upbeat. Two of the three kidlets woke up happy and ready for the day to begin...then Mr. Grumpy Pants woke up and instead of bringing rays of sunlight into each room. He has been bringing thunder with him where ever he goes. If he were a cartoon, a thunderbolt would be above his head. You get the picture.

Thankfully, the morning routine was very short and he was off to school. That is when I refound the sunshine. My friend and I went for a walk around a park with a track. When we arrived, we realized that the track was only half way melted and the rest was still snow-capped. Undeterred we walked the snow-free parts and kept a nice pace getting in a 40 minute workout. This was an exercise walk, not a stroll. We discussed our worlds and delved into the difference between being a gossip and being chismosa. I decided that they were very different with the English one not being so bad.

Re-energized, I popped home to grab something and change, then returned to pick up my little bundle of sunshine. Mr. Grumpy Pants emerged from school and did not leave. It has been a trying afternoon, and I fell off the happy wagon and back into my grumpier self. Despite all this Pebbles sweet voice singing "Let the Sun Shine In" has been filtering in the back of my head. At least there is a silver lining to my thunder filled afternoon, I did not get as upset as I would have in the past with the meltdowns and tantrums. I even removed Mr. Grumpy Pants from pick up to avoid a complete meltdown, which actually helped the situation.

Here is a little sunshine for you...

Day 6: Soup for the Soul

2011-03-14T16:57:00.004-04:00

Today was another dreary late winter day with a few flecks of snow falling and many reasons to be glum. But I honestly could not find a reason to be a down in the dumps Jane.

After waking up way too late following the time change, all three kids made it to school with snacks and homework in hand. Finally, for the first time since Thursday, I had some kid-free time. Luckily, a great friend was free for some shopping. We had a great time finding deals at a Borders going out of business and I found a great little black dress for a soiree we are attending on Saturday. A great morning.

I have really been feeling energized this past week and am definitely starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Last week before the beginning of the happiness project, I was feeling as though I was stuck in Groundhog Day. Every day the same. Every day, no fun.

To say that every moment is a blissful time, would be misleading. Rather I am trying to remember what it is like to be childlike and to leave the anger at the door. I am not as snappy, quick to judge, nor on the edge of reasoning.

Things that usually seem so stressful to me are finally feeling like just a few errands. For instance today in one hour, I needed to mail some letters, cash some checks and deposit them into my bank account and pay some bills at City Hall - all with a cranky child in tow. Normally (read the past few months) this would send me over the edge of reasoning, but today, I made it a game for the little guy and we actually had fun! We counted the steps to town hall, looked for lollipops at the bank and wished the mail a bon voyage. All chores were accomplished within 25 minutes and we were both happy.

Seems fitting that as I am finding some comfort for my bruised soul, I decided to make a wonderful smelling butternut squash coconut lime soup for dinner. I have tasted the cooking delight and can't wait to eat it tonight. My kids keep telling me that the kitchen smells stinky from the cumin and cinnamon. I told them that is the smell of a hug. They all just rolled their eyes at me.

Here is Bell X1, a great Irish band I found, singing about "Alphabet Soup."

Day 5: Getting Lost in the Supermarket

2011-03-13T17:53:00.006-04:00

Today's big foray into the fun, outside world was to the drive up ATM and a very crowded Supermarket run. One would think that having worked at a supermarket through high school and briefly in college, I would have remembered that Sunday afternoons are crazy busy. I had completely forgotten, or shopping patterns may have changed in the twenty odd years since I last donned a DeMoulas smock and stocked the shelves in grocery hell.

I was very proud of myself today. I did not get aggravated in the aisles when they were repeatedly blocked. Instead I took the few seconds respites as just that. Breaks from our hectic home life. When the person parked next to me, was blocking the back of my car with her basket, I did not say a peep. (I was not in a hurry, so I filled my trunk from the side.) When her grown daughter opened the back passenger door as I was trying to walk to my door, I did not yell at her. Instead, I took the opportunity to add a few more steps to my day and walked around the other side of the car. These are important steps because I usually would have asked them to move themselves out of my way and been a bit bitchy. So, I think this happiness project is starting to work.

My kids are unknowingly participating in my little happiness project with full gusto. I printed out glasses of milk for each of them and they are filling their glasses with good deeds that are noted via stickers. Then each sticker is being translated into change (just all the loose change I keep finding in my cleaning spree). This is our family project. All money will be donated at the end of the project to their Lenten Alms collection boxes. Win-win really. They are being nice to each other, helping around the house, and raising money for a good cause. :)

Here's hoping that you get a little lost in the supermarket. (Great song by the Clash)

Day 4: And then there was rest...lots and lots of it.

2011-03-12T14:32:00.002-05:00

My little guy is sick right now with a fever and general lethargy. Because of this, he stayed home from German school this morning and we read oodles of children's books, watched tons of relaxing tv (I actually dozed off), and just cuddled.

It was the little moments of connection this morning that somehow seem lost in this crazy world we live in. Moments that are often marred by our so called technology. Moments that will never be given back to our new generation. Today, watching cartoons on Saturday morning, reading silly books and just hanging was such a treasure. I hope he remembers mornings like this when he is older.

The best quote this morning:
Son "Yeah, I've had paella" (in reference to a cartoon).
Me "Um, I haven't cooked that in a while. Are you sure?"
Son "Of course! I ate it with God. Before I was born."

So, hopefully you are resting yourself to happier place. In the meantime here is a little nostalgia for you

And if you have a second longer, check this out too:

Day 3: Finding Shiny Happy People on a dreary day

2011-03-11T12:29:00.003-05:00

Today, on day three of my personal journey, I woke up to a headache, a body ache, and a pukey child. Not the makings of a happy day. Determined to turn this frown upside down, I embarked on a forced happy day - then I found out about the Tsunami in Japan. Now really, did I have any reason to be happy at all?

So, in piled the remaining two children for their ride to school and my gym duty in the rain. Along the way, REM's "Shiny, Happy People" popped into my mind. And memories from Wheaton College, sunning in the Dimple, dancing like a fool to a boom box blaring out this 90s anthem flittered through my grey matter. Then a sweet, young voice singing along to the songs on the radio broke my reverie and brought a smile to my lips.

Even on this dreary day, smiles were to be had after all. After completing my gym duty (and by this I mean walking my kids' class to and from gym in the cold rain), I came home to a huggy boy who just wanted to cuddle.

Here is your own little bit of "Shiny, Happy People" to help you see the sun today too:

Day 2: Happiness is a new pair of Chuck Taylors!

2011-03-10T17:07:00.006-05:00

Today began very refreshed after a wonderful night's slumber. Ready to continue on the Happiness Project, I immediately got ready for another great day. After a shower, I managed to file all my bills and leave just the few that need to paid tomorrow in my desk inbox ready for the morning. Then I tackled the first of many clean up zones to does. This one is beyond comment: a filled casserole whose contents needed to be put in the correct place. After finishing both of these tasks, it was time to rouse the kiddies.

This is when my day took a huge plunge and I had to wrestle with myself not to turn into THAT mother. I am proud to say that I dangled stickers in front of their eyes and managed to refind the happy.

So after a rocky morning, the rest of the day went swimmingly, minus the eye dialation at the eye doctor. I will have snazzy new reading glasses next week and finally a pair that has not been kidhandled that dangle from one ear. :)

Hope you found a Happy moment today too.

Day 1: 40 Days to a Happier Number

2011-03-09T17:01:00.004-05:00

Life for the past three years has been throwing so many water balloons at our family, that most days, I have no idea where to look. I have tried over the course of this blog to make it be different things. Today, I am taking it organic and bringing it back to what it was originally supposed to be: a place to reflect on life with three young kids in a crazy place that we call the world.

Making the decision to change the blog from Mama's Sweet Deals to Filling My Glass has been ruminating for months. Recent events, have let my mind clear and finally see that I need to get back to writing and to release my creative being, return to me.

To start this journey, I decided to take the Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire to find out what my Happy Number is. I scored 2.46 out of a possible 5. Better than I thought, but still not my potential. So... I have decided to see if I can boost that number in 40 days. This means a lot of cleaning - organizing the messes I can handle and trying to get the emotional stuff where it needs to be. Hopefully, this project will allow me to rediscover the creative self that is wandering around somewhere, feeling a little lost.

If you decide to join me on filling your glass...come along for the ride. Let's see where this baby will take us. No plans, just going with the flow and creating a happy place to keep the work stuff propelling forward.

Here is a little song to get you in the mood to dust off life and re-examine it:

And if you want to take the Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire, click here.

White Noise....

2010-01-19T20:57:00.002-05:00

You may have noticed the lack of activity here for the past few days. A series of nasty viruses infected my computer. It has been stripped and re-installed back to the original factory specifications on December 17, 2005. As you can imagine this process has taken hours and new posts will continue, but not tonight...

Peace out!

ABC Poster designed by Ramon Tejada and Written by yours truly is printed!

2010-01-06T21:43:00.005-05:00

Yippee!!!

This whimsical ABC poster was the brain child of my friend Ramon, NY graphic designer extraordinaire. We have been working on this project since he proposed the idea on a snowy visit last year and it is finally, finally printed!

It is now in a new format (for those who saw the other one) and for sale! :)

Want more info? Send an email to me at: sanderdrei@gmail.com

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T09:04:00.005-05:00

Happy 2010! As the new year is dawning, I hope that you are enjoying the first days of the new year and the new decade.

It seems like yesterday the Y2K hysteria was going on and naysayers were sure that the Apocalypse was immanent. Thankfully, they were wrong.

The 2000's started out as a decade of over indulgence and bigger is better. Coasting through the decade, everyone was trying to outdo the Joneses, and many were caught up in economically overstretching and using credit for everything from a gallon of milk, to 100% financing on housing. Hey, this was the American dream.

That bubble burst, and burst loudly in the mid-decade. Gone was the wanton spending, replaced by a panic for the future and millions of dollars lost in the now defunct real estate market. Times were bleak, so many were without jobs, and yet there was the hope that things would rebound.

By the end of 2009, frugality and stretching dollars was in vogue and people were starting to find jobs, and finally feel a little more secure. Gone was the frivolous spending that started the decade, replaced by a Depression Era sensibility of recycling, reusing, rethinking.

Hopefully, this new mindset will buoy us all through whatever plan is in store for us all. In the meantime, why don't we all sit down and make some financial resolutions for this new year along with the usual yearly goals?

Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays...

2009-12-28T20:04:00.002-05:00

Perhaps you are wondering where the deals are? The freebies? The too hot to believe deals?

Christmas and a lingering throat issue have taken up all of my free time since 7 am on Tuesday, December 22 until today. Relatives and friends visiting from afar, children to take to see movies (The Frog Princess is really cute), and just trying to find the floor after Santa visited.

The web has started to show deals again and this blog will be back in action as soon as possible. In the meantime, if you find a great deal, why not email the information to me and I will post it? sanderdrei@gmail.com

May your days continue to be merry and bright and may all your wishes for 2009 come true!

Peace, Love and Happiness from our blog to your home!

Economizing, is it really worth it?

2009-11-05T06:58:00.005-05:00

Over the past month, I have tried coupons, keeping my eye out for deals, and just trying to be a bit more economical than my usual dash in and dash out to any store and just grab what I find.

The interesting thing is that it really is worth it! My three goals this month were:

1. Save some money.
2. Stretch my grocery budget so that some of it can eat the rising gas costs.
3. See if you can really score free stuff with coupons.

This is what I've found:

1. We have saved hundreds of dollars on shopping alone and with all the rebates that I have sent in for, I have $298 coming back to my savings account. One of the best things I have discovered on this journey is the Single Check Rebate from RiteAid and Register Rewards from Walgreens. Free stuff and money in my pocket!

2. The hunt is just part of the fun. The find is so sweet!

3. I can't believe that I ever thought that couponing was not for me. It is a pain to have a million coupons in my binder, but when I find a sweet deal for free or near free, my budget swells and leaves more room for fun stuff.

As a side benefit: With tons of research, I have 65% of my Christmas gifts done for free (or just for shipping). Thus, all the money I usually spend on some gifts is freed up for other things, like life.

I say, happy couponing and bring it on!

3 small kids+tons of sweat= Half Marathon Bling Bling

2009-02-18T16:44:00.006-05:00

This past year my blog has been sporadically updated. The reason is that I was training for the Walt Disney World Half Marathon which took place on the 10th of January. Though the half marathon is not the longest of races, please keep in mind that when I initially signed hubby and myself up for this task I had never run a mile in my life, never mind 13.1. With determination and trepidation, a trainer was found, a gym was revisited and a new hobby was to become part of me.

Running is not for the faint of heart I have learned. It is a life commitment. A new drug. A fun way to bond with others. A community unto itself. It is an escape from the hectic life of two pre-schoolers and one toddler.

In preparation for the big event, several smaller races were run. Completed. Finished. Who cares about timing at this point? Because let's be honest. A 36 year old completely out of shape woman was happy to just be able to run without collapsing.

Today, my second year as a runner starts. It is an anniversary of sorts. And one that was completely my doing. Other than my husband and three kids, there was a lot of emotional support, but not a whole lot of outside help that was not paid for. The fall was full of runny noses and a treadmill was purchased that is now used for training for our next races and hopefully the VT covered bridges half marathon in 2010. And who know? Perhaps we will actually finish the marathon before we hit 40.

"Oh, Thursday doesn't even start"

2008-08-07T19:56:00.003-04:00

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and the Cure is stuck in eternal repeat in my head today. For the first time in over a year - Wait! In over four years- I woke up feeling like, well, myself. Does that even make any sense? Today, for the first day, I felt like Erika, not the twins mom, or that little boy's mommy...just plain old, run of the mill, Erika. And know what? It felt great.

These past two weeks have brought more than just rain. With them, a sense of relief at no longer being part of a draining venture. So, like or hate it, here I am. Standing here on the abyss of cyber-space, writing to please me. Not anyone else's sensibilities or fickle tastes.

The school situation is all sorted out, two of the three have been potty trained for a few months, and I feel a general peace right now. What more could I want? Three children in bed not trying to eck out a few more minutes of play time. A vacation. Perhaps a latte with non-fat milk and a giant cupcake? But, really, other than that, I am happy as a clam-ah-toe.

My New Best Friend

2008-05-14T13:46:00.002-04:00

This spring in a pact with dear hubby, I have a new best friend. Now for those of you who actually know me, please do not laugh. I have become a gym junkie in training.

That is right, along with the body builders and Young at Hearters, there I am lifting weights, doing exercises like planks, hip abductions, etc., and becoming one with the elliptical and my new best friend the treadmill.

I am enjoying the solitude of my iPod and the sound of the machines in action have become my new addiction.

What caused all this? Well, I kind of signed us up for a half marathon. Never ran a day in my life. This is a good thing...

Cawc-oh-lat and Roses

2008-02-14T00:58:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Already this is promising to be an interesting day. G is cranky and refusing to sleep while demanding more and more milk. I am ignoring him now - nice Mummy, no? And on a holiday and all to boot. And hubby is asking me why I didn't get the milk. Hel-lo! I did, like 8 million times. The joys of the terrible twos are settling in.

Hopefully your day will be filled with cawc-oh-lat and roses and not demands for milk at all hours of the day.

The Eve of Saint Nicholas

2007-12-05T15:31:00.000-05:00

'Tis the Eve of Saint Nicholas and all of the preparations have our three angels revved up like tops about to go ballistic! Perhaps it is my fault. In an effort to help our three year old twins and their one and half year old brother understand what is going on we have been singing St. Nicholas songs for about a month. In addition, they know that he brings chocolates, apples, and oranges...

Today we have hit a new St. Nicholas low. The girls are holding over each other that each and every infraction the other commits will lead an empty boot tomorrow morning. The whining and whinging has hit new levels and my normally curly hair is now straight!

Basically, I think that Holiday overload has crept into our quiet household. Erm...quiet isn't exactly what I would label this mayhem, but let's just say that the decibel levels are out of control. The apples are being pilfered and even the Advent calendar was breached!

So, now holding the fact that St. Nicholas is only a call away has become my desperate plea for the last hour. Sitting here, I am wondering where we went wrong. Was it the light displays we visited? The attempts of sitting on Santa's lap for a wee photo? The gift shopping? I am not sure, but all I know is that Christmas is still over two and a half weeks away and these little munchkins are wound up so much that something may burst. Or implode.

With this mayhem in our happy house, my hubby and I have come up with a three part plan:
1. Stop all talk of Santa in the house.
2. Hide the Advent Calendar and all remaining chocolates - all 5 of them.
3. Take a deep breath, enjoy the moment, imbibe if necessary for the first part of number 3 to be feasible.

So, Happy St. Nicholas Eve. Put out your boots and if you have been very good this year, perhaps St. Nick will leave something for you tonight!

Toilets Are Fun!

2007-09-28T15:33:00.000-04:00

What is it about toilets that cause toddlers to want to stick their hands in them and splash like no tomorrow? While responding to an email, and thinking that my three darlings were dancing in the next room to Ernie singing the alphabet, I started to hear a splashy noise. At first I thought that it was simply the song. The CD is new, and I was not listening too carefully.

All of a sudden, with dawning clarity, the origin of the splashity, splashing became crystal clear in my mind. How could I have missed the fact that the door to the bathroom was not actually locked, and actually, there was light pouring from the door. All THREE of my cherubs were arm deep in... TOILET WATER. Let me repeat that: all THREE were ARM deep in TOILET WATER.

After a quick scrub with lots of hot water and soap. Followed by three complete clothes and diaper changes. They are now in their bedrooms waiting for me to calm down - or finish this post, which ever comes first. I have had various requests for snacks, stickers, books, even potty runs... Are they serious?

Toilet training will be the end of me. I blame every gray hair I have found on this time in my life. I guess on the plus side, at least this does not involve a $150 call to Roto Rooter...a story for another day.

Where's the love?

2007-09-25T21:08:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, H and C were in the back row of the mom-mobile with their little bro, when they began to discuss who and what they loved. The list went on and on (in no particular order):

Grammie

Grampy
Opa
Oma
Tante Beate
Onkel Axel

Auntie

Uncle Larry

Kellie

Mu-kel

Ellen

Stevie

Kaitlin

Janice

Brother

Mrs. Cindy

Ms. Erica

Dolly

Elmo

Tinkerbell

Dora

Strawberry Shortcake

Ribbit (Kermit)

Doggie (Clifford)

Playdoh

Crayons

Puzzles

Well, you get the point. Suddenly, the back row became extremely quiet. H said, "I love Mama." C looked at her and said, "I love Papa." At a stop light, I looked into the rear view mirror to see H wrinkle up her nose and say, "No, (shaking head) I love Mama. Not Papa." C now followed suit and said, "Well I love Papa," again wrinkling the nose and shaking the head, "I don't love Mama."

What? Wait? What did she just say? Did I not have the worst pain in my entire life and the worst experience of my life having this child, and she does not love me? I am lower than Playdoh?

Where is the love?

Welcome home!

2007-09-18T22:02:00.000-04:00

Alright, this entry is tardy. But I thought it was funny, so here we go:

One day in August I had to go on a daytrip to Philadelphia, but was lucky enough to catch an earlier-than-expected flight back to Manchester. I arrived back in our driveway at 8pm - too late for Mr. G, but agents H and C were still awake. They saw me as I pulled in, and jumped up and down in excitement in front of the (outer) glass door. I felt loved and missed.

True to their form they wore nothing but their diapers.

When I walked in the door, they screamed "papa's home, papa's home". Whose heart wouldn't melt?

Then agent C tried to get my attention. "Papa, papa"!!

"Yes" I responded.

Back at me she beamed at said "Papa, I poopy"

Welcome home, I felt....

Calgon, Take Me Away!

2007-09-18T16:52:00.000-04:00

Remember that old commercial for Calgon? The one where the mom is looking beyond frazzled and pulling out her hair and she dreams of escaping to a relaxing bath that will make her forget her crew? That very one that I used to laugh at and mock? The very one that I have been chanting for the past forty-eight hours.

I have been pushed beyond my usual limits. My patience is worn thinner than thin - if that is possible. G (and in turn my husband and I) spent the greater part of Sunday at Children's Hospital in Boston because he is having bronchial spasms and is now being treated additionally for a double ear infection.

In addition, he needs to use a nebulizer every four hours, night and day. The poor thing looks very cute with his fishy mask if I may say so. The wonderful nurse, Meredith, was so kind to him and even gave him a parting gift of an Elmo balloon.

So, while I should be thankful that he is not hospitalized and that he does not have pneumonia, I have been pulling out my hair because lovely hubby is in Chicago on a business trip and H and C are both whining and whinging. They want attention, how could my eyes see anything but their two glorious faces? They want Elmo juice (steroid medicine) and Big Bird Juice (the other medicine) and they want to wear the fishy mask and get the facials...

All I can say is: Calgon, take me away!

Computer, Schmomputer

2007-09-14T10:46:00.000-04:00

Not too long ago- okay way back in 2004- I was curious to see who was voted out on American Idol, having had missed the previous evening due to some work related event. I innocently logged onto www.AmericanIdol.com, which back then was not the correct address. From my one little goof, the nastiest virus to ever hit the universe overtook my computer rendering it functioning, but the hard drive was shot and needed replacing. A new computer was needed!

My darling hubby decided that he wanted to wait for the much anticipated new Microsoft Windows system, but finally caved into my pleading in December 2005 when it had still not been released. Just in time for Christmas my shiny new computer with flat screen monitor arrived and I was the happiest camper with my new little darling...that is until Tuesday night.

Tuesday was a happy day. My darling was humming along unknowingly about to be victimized. It was about 6 p.m. when H and C decided that the DVD drive is a great place to insert PLAYDOH! The little drawer is now permanently stuck in the partially open, but won't open or close state. So having the super-platinum warranty, I called my friends at Dell.

We are still waiting for the Dell repair person to come to fix this, but the words "You need a new optical drive" are still sending chills up and down my back. When the lovely Dell person asked if I felt comfortable replacing the item by myself, I merely said, "That is why they pay you the big bucks and I majored in literature." He laughed, but I wonder what he went home and told the family/roommate/soul mate. I wonder if yet another idiot on the phone tonight was uttered in exasperation, or did he commiserate with the doings of twin tornadoes?

Hopefully, my little darling will be all repaired by tomorrow.

Am I talking to the wall?

2007-09-10T17:32:00.000-04:00

It seems lately since Miss C and Miss H turned the ripe old age of three that answers are no longer part of their conversations. They pretend to not hear me, though when activities are removed from the line up, their earways are suddenly cleared up!

The girls are now in school, going three mornings a week for three hours. It was weird last week just being here with their little brother, but today was a different story. I actually was able to tackle some work that has been piling up! Divine! I will miss them, but having a little bit of life back is so nice.

All three kids are playing nicely together right now. I hold my breath and hope this continues!

Well, more later!

Noticings

2007-05-27T23:45:00.000-04:00

1. C asked Papa at 11 pm, "Wanna go shopping?"
2. G is very proud of himself and his new found walking feet!
3. Papa asked the girls to ask me for permission for something, annoyed I told them to ask him because he was in the room with them. So they told him, "Mama said yes!"
4. C continues to bite H, will this stop?
5. Why do the girls say only heiss for hot, but understand the word hot? This is curious!

Messy Angel

2007-05-23T07:10:00.000-04:00

My messy angel, Caroline, caught in a rare, quiet moment, tugged at my heart as she slumbered. I gazed upon her glowing face with a burst of maternal love. A breath caught in my throat as I wondered what beautiful dream caused the smile to dance on her cherry lips. A stream of light, awakening from its nap, illuminated the mass of golden curls that surrounded her head like a beautiful halo. It contained a luminescent glow caused by the drizzle that just changed to snow.